HOPEful girl

‘Don’t get wise, bubble eyes!  I’m the boss, chili sauce!’   Is what my mom would tell me in response to my childhood defiance.   I couldn’t help but think of that as I read the verse above, another Godly reminder that He (and moms) truly knows what’s best.  So why don’t we listen the first time?!  Because sometimes I feel like that’s exactly what we are, His beloved children running amuck, given to disobey, just trying to figure our way out in this crazy world.  But there is hope! There is always hope!  This month marks my sobriety birthday.  On July 12, I will be four years sober.  Although I am not currently attending celebrate recovery meetings, I try to ‘work the steps’ as best I can—daily making a conscious decision to turn my life to the will of God, taking daily personal inventory, daily prayer and meditation to improve contact with my father, God, seeking his will in ALL areas of my life, this blog, work, family, church. ...

I’m late!  For the first time in 4 years, since I started writing this blog, I was late in posting my blog.    I’ve  usually been on schedule posting a summary of my ramblings at  least once a month.   It got me flustered at first, being the overachiever and control freak that I am.  Yes, still working on those character flaws or shall I say God is working on me. Yet, as you can see, instead of giving up, I decided to press on.   I can make lots of excuses for being late: oh the general business of life, work, but honestly I’ve been really struggling with just getting motivated.  Perhaps going through a little slump, just burnt out.   It caused me to reflect.  Where does that lack of motivation come from? Fatigue? Laziness? fear, lack of trust, worldly distractions?   I confess yes, to all of those!  I might have mentioned in my earlier blogs, about my running injury.  I confess I have not refraine...

Whenever I do a jigsaw puzzles on my electronic device, I can’t help but think of my grandpa.     When he was with us, he loved doing jigsaw puzzles.  In fact, it would help keep his mind active in order to combat the advancing dementia in his later years.  As a lover of puzzles myself, I would often join him.   I remember when he would talk through it sometimes.  ‘You have to pay attention to the surrounding colors and match shades’.   ‘Sometimes you have to let go of a piece you're holding onto and move to another area’.   At times,  we’ll see how long we can go without looking at the picture on the cover of the box.   A lot of times,  life seems like a puzzle that we are not given a box with the picture.  When I reflect on the verse above, it seems a little puzzling to me.   Am I supposed to not care about anything in my life?   Often times, we’ll take verses out of the Bible like pieces of a puzzle ...

I mentioned in an earlier entry that my oldest son had some recent struggles with mental health.  Well with his permission, I’m going to share a little of his story and what he’s been going through.   A few months ago, he started to have what I can only describe as these  spontaneous involuntary movement episodes.   Out of the blue,  and for what seemed like no reason at all, his body would suddenly go into jerk like movements, almost seizure like for a few moments.   The first severe episode of this sort was witnessed by my parents while my husband and I were away on another island for  vacation.  They were walking around the mall, when they witnessed his body going into a sudden convulsion, falling back to the floor in a seizure like episode lasting a few seconds but may have seemed longer.  As you can imagine, this was very scary to his grandparents and his brothers who were there to witness it, let alone my husband and I who weren’t...

Falling in love again.  When was the last time you’ve been in awe or truly felt in love.  When you’re in love you want to shout to the world, right?  When my husband and I first met, we wanted to spend every minute of every day with one another.  I was still in medical school at UCLA when we were dating and he would drive from Norwalk on the weekends hours through LA traffic just to see me.  Moments together were so joyful, yet fleeting.  Moments apart were dull and seemed to last forever until the next time we met.   I remember a wise woman giving my some advice on marriage shortly after I eloped with my husband  some moons ago.     My sister said, marriage takes work, but it is SO rewarding.   I thought, ‘work?, whatever for?’   Well after seventeen years of marriage,  I do understand what she meant.  We may still have those passionate feelings but let’s face it,  life happens, kids , stress, ...

We are in the middle of whale season here in Hawaii and its always an exciting time.  It's time for the whales migrate north towards southern  warm waters to mate and breed.  My husband and I enjoyed one of the whale watching tours a couple of years ago and this year we decided to take along the boys.   As the boat reaches some ways off shore , we wait keeping our eyes peeled toward the ocean horizon for any sign of humpback whale life. We look for the spout and hope to see the the elusive breech when these marvelous creatures   jump with their bodies completely out of water.   Towards the end of our tour, we were able to see whales breaching in the far distance.   Nobody knows for sure why whales breech.  One theory is to dislodge barnacles or parasites that they pick up on their travels.  Some say, its a form of communication.  I’d like to think they’re just having fun.   These past three weeks, I participated w...