Breech it!

We are in the middle of whale season here in Hawaii and its always an exciting time.  It's time for the whales migrate north towards southern  warm waters to mate and breed.  My husband and I enjoyed one of the whale watching tours a couple of years ago and this year we decided to take along the boys.   As the boat reaches some ways off shore , we wait keeping our eyes peeled toward the ocean horizon for any sign of humpback whale life. We look for the spout and hope to see the the elusive breech when these marvelous creatures   jump with their bodies completely out of water.   Towards the end of our tour, we were able to see whales breaching in the far distance.   Nobody knows for sure why whales breech.  One theory is to dislodge barnacles or parasites that they pick up on their travels.  Some say, its a form of communication.  I’d like to think they’re just having fun.  

These past three weeks, I participated with my church in a 21 day fast.   It is a time to give up those things like habits or hang ups that spiritually weigh us down,   to shed the barnacles or parasites so to speak and dive into a time of prayer.  

These habits or hang ups can be different from one person to the next, but basically its anything that comes between you and relationship with your creator.  For me , this was the time I was spending on social media, facebook and instagram.   I spend way too much time on that!   And in the first few days, you know what I learned?  I found myself looking at youtube more.  Just another form of social media! Gosh, I’m hopeless.  Am I that empty that I feel the need to stuff the void with mindless material every second?  Can’t I just learn to sit still?  And so that’s what I had to learn.  As I slowly shed away these external voices, influences of social media, and fill it in with bible reading and prayer and just sit still, then I can hear the still calm voice of my loving father and counselor.  

I went into this fast with prayer and expectation.   To hear God’s voice on his plan for me this year.  AS I just finished my step study last year, I want to continue on my celebrate recovery journey, yet I find myself torn between this responsibility and the responsibility to my family.  Schedule is a little tighter with my husband working nights and I want to be there for my kids as much as I can.   They’re not going to be in grade school, middle school and high school forever after all. 

Last year , I was also actively involved in leading Celebrate Recovery at my church.   So what’s on the agenda for this year Lord?  Where do you want me to serve? Just lay it all out for me, right here and I will follow.  I’m listening.   I’m still listening.  I’m still waiting.  And now starting to realize, maybe there is no plan??  Wait God always has a plan, right?    Of course he does.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us He has a plan for us, plans for good and not for disaster, to give us a future and hope.

But if he does, why can’t I see it?  

This year has already started with a little cloudy view of uncertainty.   I'm not sure which road to take in my recovery.  A close friend I just made shortly after moving here is now moving away as her husband’s job called them to live in another state.    And another close friend of mine, my sister in life group was just diagnosed with cancer.   Also, towards the end of last year, it became evident that our oldest son has been struggling with mental health issues. As a parent, this is very scary and he will need regular follow up with a psychiatrist that he’s already been seeing for the past month.   I’m getting the feeling this is the year to stand on guard and listen for direction.  To dare I say, take it one day at a time. 

 Then I did hear something when my abba father spoke to me in this verse.

‘We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps’. -Proverbs 16:9 

So even though I may not see it, I will trust in the good Lord that  He does have a plan.   

And  even though I may not have a grand plan, the Lord will direct my steps which is why its important that I need to learn to listen to his voice.   So I can be ready on the next step to take.   Yet at times I find myself struggling with the voices. The  voices telling me I should do this or I  SHOULD do that.  They can easily trip me up, like a weight that slows me down or a barnacle. But what is God telling me? What is the race that He is telling me to run? 

So that is why  it was  important during this fast to shed those barnacles, parasites the things that weigh and slow me down  because God has already set a race for me, a race that can not be run in a sprint but a run that must be taken step by step  with endurance.  It is scary!  It is exciting!   It is a life of faith! 

thank you for letting me share. 
-Hopeful girl, Janette sober for 3 years, 6 months and 18 days, hopeful for another day more.