Losin' it.

Whenever I do a jigsaw puzzles on my electronic device, I can’t help but think of my grandpa.     When he was with us, he loved doing jigsaw puzzles.  In fact, it would help keep his mind active in order to combat the advancing dementia in his later years.  As a lover of puzzles myself, I would often join him.   I remember when he would talk through it sometimes.  ‘You have to pay attention to the surrounding colors and match shades’.   ‘Sometimes you have to let go of a piece you're holding onto and move to another area’.   At times,  we’ll see how long we can go without looking at the picture on the cover of the box.  

A lot of times,  life seems like a puzzle that we are not given a box with the picture.  When I reflect on the verse above, it seems a little puzzling to me.   Am I supposed to not care about anything in my life?   Often times, we’ll take verses out of the Bible like pieces of a puzzle to fit our own needs or worse yet, use it to prove an argument.  No matter how hard you try to pound it in, it just doesn’t fit.  This is commonly seen these days in our divided nation.   I confess, I cringe when my Christian brothers and sisters use the Bible in this way.  

I can not say it any better than Rachel Held Evans in her book I recently read, Inspired.  Rarely, a book shakes me to get me to open my mind and look at something in a different way and this book did exactly that. I invite you to read as soon as you get a chance. 

About interpreting scripture, she says, 

“The truth is, you can bend Scripture to say just about anything you want it to say. You can bend it until it breaks. For those who count the Bible as sacred, interpretation is not a matter of whether to pick and choose, but how to pick and choose. We’re all selective. We all wrestle with how to interpret and apply the Bible to our lives. We all go to the text looking for something, and we all have a tendency to find it. So the question we have to ask ourselves is this: are we reading with the prejudice of love, with Christ as our model, or are we reading with the prejudices of judgment and power, self-interest and greed? Are we seeking to enslave or liberate, burden or set free?” 

― Rachel Held Evans, Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again 

Ouch, that cuts right to the heart if you ask me.  I’ve been guilty of all of the above myself.  It’s just like trying to fit that  puzzle piece in a place but doesn’t fit no matter how you bend it. 

That’s why  I sometimes hesitate before I post a scripture or verse on social media . Am I doing this to prove a point? Boast about myself?  OR uplift others.  I ask myself what’s  truly in my heart.  And what about that verse?  I can choose to ignore it because it just doesn’t fit MY needs, MY lifestyle or really meditate on it, no matter how uncomfortable it may make me feel.  And so I attempt to read it with Christ as the model. 

Sometimes to understand a  verse better, I must look at the pieces around it, like going back to that chapter and reading it. 

When Jesus spoke that verse above, he was predicting his death.  This month we celebrated the Resurrected Christ, Jesus, the one that gave up His life so that we may live.  Yet, that is only just one piece of the puzzle. To quote Rachel Evans again, ‘Jesus did not die to simply save us from our sins; Jesus lived to save us from our sins’.   We are saved not only in His death and resurrection but also in His life!  And what does that say about our lives in THIS world here now? 

So what’s so bad about  loving my life?  I think I have a pretty good life.  I have a  job, family, my new found sobriety.  Did I mention I live in Hawaii?  I am grateful and owe it to God for all of it.   

Sometimes, I do not always love my life, like at work. 

There will be times of discouragement and discontentment as I see faults in the health care system.  But  am I really meant to love my job 100% of the time?   Do what you love and you won’t have to work a day in your life! Isn’t that  how the saying goes? But is that what God wants for us? for me? Not if we look at the life of Jesus who came to serve and not BE served. Scripture does not say, ‘do whatever makes you happy’.  It was recently revealed to me, that if my work is a calling, then I must submit myself to the agenda of the Caller, no matter how bad my day is going-overbooks, difficult cases, depression,  angry patients, death and dying. To quote another writer, Jordan Raynor, author of Called to Create. 

‘The point of work isn’t primarily to make us happy. The point of work is the point of life, summarized by Jesus in Matthew 22: “Love the Lord your God...and love your neighbor as yourself.” And the way we do that is not by seeking out work that gives us instant but shallow satisfaction.’  Hmm. I hope that is something I can impart to my boys as they are seeking their own way and calling in this life. 

Other times, my life does not go as planned.  Being the control freak that I am, I just LOVE when things go as planned and when they don’t, I can just LOSE it.   If I love my life in THIS world, I should definitely lose it.  But that’s just a piece. 

  If I believe in the resurrection, then what am I holding on to in my life, in THIS world? Hmm, I think I just answered that.  We need to let go of  some pieces.  We need to let go of the ‘I deserve this’ or 'I have it under control' mentality, our to do lists, our own plans. 

What pieces are you holding on to? 

‘Care nothing for their life in this world, will keep it for eternity.’

Lord, Let me not focus on my needs but let me focus on the source. You are all that I need! 

Jesus is the big picture that we can look to for our model.  We don’t have to have all our pieces together.  There still may be times when we do not  always see the whole picture and that is ok.  We do not need all the pieces.  Our ‘puzzle’ Maker will take care of it.  He who continues to work on us,  and we ARE his workmanship!  

Thank you for letting me share and listening to my ramblings of puzzle pieces. 

-Hopeful girl, Janette, Sober 3 years, 9 months and 18 days