Be mine

Falling in love again. 

When was the last time you’ve been in awe or truly felt in love. 

When you’re in love you want to shout to the world, right? 

When my husband and I first met, we wanted to spend every minute of every day with one another.  I was still in medical school at UCLA when we were dating and he would drive from Norwalk on the weekends hours through LA traffic just to see me.  Moments together were so joyful, yet fleeting.  Moments apart were dull and seemed to last forever until the next time we met.   I remember a wise woman giving my some advice on marriage shortly after I eloped with my husband  some moons ago.     My sister said, marriage takes work, but it is SO rewarding.   I thought, ‘work?, whatever for?’   Well after seventeen years of marriage,  I do understand what she meant.  We may still have those passionate feelings but let’s face it,  life happens, kids , stress, etc and the romance fades or it takes just a little more effort to keep that spark going.  It doesn’t mean we love each other any less, its just our love built on something more substantial than these fleeting feelings.   

When I first started this blog,  3 years ago, I was so motivated and the words would flow easily from my finger tips to keyboard as I submitted something every day in my ’40 days to 40 series’, even if it meant staying up a little bit longer.  Today, as I write this, I can barely stay up to keep working on this right now. Think I’ll finish the rest in the morning, oh but I have that darn department meeting.    

So here I am at Starbucks working on my blog.   I didn’t make it to that department meeting.   I had to drive Micah to school and he ended up getting car sick throwing up in car, leaving me to clean  up a fine mess.  So I probably couldn’t get to the department meeting even if I wanted to.  

Where was I? Oh yes, being in love. 

This past month, I’ve been reflecting on God’s love and what that exactly looks like in my life at this time. 

When I first accepted Christ, it was like falling in love.  I immersed myself in the Bible, listened to only christian music, hung out with Christian friends.  I wanted to get to know God more.  Then the stresses of life happens that challenge that feeling, but my faith grows and matures as I realize that faith is not based on feelings.    Yet, I want to keep that passion and fire going.   Much like in a marriage relationship, it takes work.   It takes effort to keep those sparks flying. 

And as my husband and I grow in our own personal relationships with the Lord, we learn more about each other. 

Last month, I was praying to God for the next step. Well the next step was to get that spark going again.  Get to know my Father, creator deeply and intimately.   I wanted get excited about the Bible and what He has for me.    So of course this takes work.   But also takes an open mind and heart to keep my looking for his direction. 

While taking my son Andrew to one of his doctor’s appointments, we arrived early.  Its located by the mall and  we had time to spare so we stopped off at one of my favorite places -Barnes and Noble!  Since it’s the only one on the island, my son (also a lover of books) could not pass up the opportunity.  I stumbled upon this  book or it happened to find me.  Don’t you just love it when that happens?  A book you know was just waiting for you.   My fellow book nerds can relate ,right?  Anyway, this Christian book entitled ‘Inspired’ by Rachel Held Evans about learning to love the Bible again was sitting on the bargain table calling out to me. Perfect, exactly what I needed to get the spark going again.  I felt this as God’s voice reaching out to me to talk to him again.   I’ve been reading the Bible from cover to cover over again for almost twenty years, pretty much since I’ve been saved.  And yes, although I read the same stories, I still may get a different message than I did before or see something there that wasn’t there before especially depending on what’s goin on in my life.  And yet there are many parts of the Bible I still struggle with.   Don’t get me started on the war stories of Joshua, or how women are often degraded, or how God seems to condone this ethnic cleansing, wiping out cities or the whole earth for that matter in the story of the flood.  Is this the same God I’m supposed to be in love with? Sounds like a bad ex with some anger issues.

So far, my favorite quote,  from this book 

‘Our relational God has given us a relational sacred text, on that, should we surrender to it, reminds us that being people of faith isn’t as much about being right as it is about being part of a community in restored and restorative relationship with God.’   So even though I may struggle with those parts, what matters is that I stay in relationship, keep the conversation going.  I get the feeling I’ll be drawing from this book some more in my future blogs.  

I think that the reason most people , believers and non believers alike, Christian and non Christians are distant from our  God,  is because of this.  We don't understand. We don't agree.  It gets too hard.  So we stop praying, we stop talking and we just stop trying.     We have  fallen out of love with our creator and abba Father.   

Getting back into communication, I think  is the first step  to hearing His voice and experiencing God more in our lives.  

Life is hard and we know we don’t have to be all lovey dovey all the time.   The Christian life is certainly not easy.   It  ok to be not be ok.  It’s ok to not be on good terms. It’s ok to be angry.  It’s ok to not understand all those parts of the Bible and have all the answers.  

But we can’t stop asking. Don’t stop praying , Don’t stop seeking and turning toward the one who gave you the invitation to be His ultimate valentine when he sent his son Jesus to die for us.  To be in relationship with Him.  

If you feel you’re in a spiritual slump , be open to his voice and reach out for that book. Start a new devotional.   Attend a Christian conference .  It’s ok to seek to be fed, to seek the inspiring talks.    If you’re feeling unloved, know that you are loved by God and consider, just consider that by reading this now, it is God asking you to be His valentine.  Maybe for the first time? Maybe again?  What are you going to do? 

Thanks for letting me share. 

-Hopeful girl, Janette.  Sober for 3 years, 7 months and 16 days.   

enjoy the song for meditation and reflection, HOPE it inspires you.