HOPEful girl

As I was reflecting this past Thanksgiving, I realized I have much to be thankful for this year.  I was a highly functioning alcoholic.  I never had a DUI,  thank God, nor was I ever in trouble with the law. I never required a drink to get me going in the morning and my body never had to suffer any real physical withdrawals if I was ever without it for a time. And it never ever,  affected my work.    Actually, more often than not, among addicts who happen to have professional careers,  it's the workplace that's the last to suffer.   Sure there were times when my close friends may have noticed I went a little overboard at parties or get togethers, but that was just me having fun or an isolated occurrence from having a rough week.  It wasn't like I had a real problem.  Nope, I held it together pretty well.   Not a lot of people knew I had this problem or could even tell. I was such a great player that I even fooled myself...

  After living here for 10 months,  I've come to experience the trade winds as a natural occurrence of island living.  The trade winds here in Hawaii blow from the northeast to the southwest over  the Pacific and through the Hawaiian islands.  If it weren't for these winds,  the islands would be  hot,  muggy and very uncomfortable.  These winds are responsible for the pleasant island weather and beautiful vegetation.  They are also what brought the early European settlers.    I met these winds head on this past Saturday during my long distance run which made for a very challenging run. Sure, I've ran in the wind before.   Where I come from, they are called the Santa Anas, only those are very hot and dry.   They both can be very strong and unpredictable.  So how do I run in this wind anyway?  Well, there are two approaches I can take.    I can start pumping my arms harder and lengthening my s...

  Well, I finally decided to do it.   I signed up to run the LA Marathon.  I knew this day would come sooner or later and I think the stars have finally aligned to where this is my time.   This was always a to do on my bucket list.  Why run a marathon?  I've always loved running and this is a challenge that just has to be accepted.  But now it means so much more.  When I ran my first half-marathon, I ran to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.  Since this is my first marathon I really felt called to do so for a good cause again. And this time its personal! I've chose to run for Runwell charity.   Runwell is a 501©(3) non-profit organization dedicated to inspiring individuals around the world to lead healthy, active lifestyles.  It encourages anyone involved with drug or alcohol addictions, from chemical dependents to their friends and families, to get involved in sports.  Runwell believes partnering sports ...

Here I am.  I made it!  What have I learned from this 40 day journey?  I think  I learned what it was like to spend more time in God's word and prayer.  I learned how to be grateful and appreciate those around me especially to what's true and authentic. Its been interesting to say the least.  Some days I just didn't feel like writing or communicating.   I was too tired, or discouraged.   Some days I couldn't think of what or how I'd come up with anything to say, but then at the very moment, God just speaks to me and gives  me the words.  Amazing how He does that!   In case you're wondering, I used a forty day devotional from my 'you version' bible app to lead me.  So instead of me   taking a Bible verse to fit what I wanted to say, I'd have to reflect and meditate on the reading that was given to me that day and  how I'd apply that to my life and post for that day.   I was taking the Holy Spirit's leadi...

  Today, I just finished reading the book, the Martian  and tonight I also watched the movie Unbroken, (another book I also read).  One story is science fiction,  the other based on a true story.  Both are  amazing stories about survival,  resilience and hope.   I can't help but wonder when I hear these types of stories, what I would do in that situation?  Would I be able to use the knowledge God gave me to survive an isolated, harsh environment like Marc Whatney did on Mars? Could I persevere with strength and hope like Lou Zamperini did stranded in the middle of the ocean then later tortured as a prisoner of war?  We all have our own life journeys.  We are put in a difficult situation at one point or another.  They all might not be as dramatic, but they all have some way of changing us.   You never know what you are capable of until you go through it. God has a way of using these difficult times to change or sha...

  When I was in college walking across the campus one day, I remember a girl approaching me asking, 'Are you saved?'  I first thought, what kind of a question is that?  Am I saved?  Well, that is a personal question I think that should be just between me and God.  But in fact, I wasn't sure  what she meant by that question, 'saved?'  I just got the sense that she was out for something else other than a true friendship.   I mean, why would someone be nice to a total stranger and just randomly ask that question? What was she selling?  Was this some secret society? That is why I am turned off and not on board with this type of street evangelism, but that is a topic for another day.   Now going back to that question, of course now I know the answer and I can confidently and loudly shout, 'Why, YES, I AM SAVED!'  Thank you Jesus.  But it took me a long and actually strange way for me to get to that point. That's another story f...

    God's grace,  its the gift that keeps on giving.   He gives it to us freely even though we don't deserve it.     I run, I fall I walk, I sometimes crawl I give, I take I bend and yet somehow I break I get dizzy from all this spinning 'round I'm determined but wonder where I'm bound I've learned to follow the sweet familiar sound Of Your voice The straight and narrow twists and turns I make my way and Everyday I live, I learn to follow You You walk me through a maze of grace I stand, I sway I reach for You, I push away I'm spent, I'm saved I disobey yet I behave In my personal struggle to break free The only peace for the puzzle that I need Is just to follow the sweet familiar lead Of Your love Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.  I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see. I'm not turning 40, I'm going to be eighteen with 22 years experience --Author unknown

I received an early birthday surprise today.  My husband surprised me by bringing my best friend Alicia all the way from across the ocean to visit me!   He is the best!  And I can't wait to spend time catching up with my friend.   We have known each other since well,  ..since kids, a long time.  We met on the high school country team actually and would spend summer afternoons together just being silly teen age girls as we we waited for practice.  We laugh, cry and fought together like sisters.  We would sometimes drift a part, but always come back together, closer then ever.  O.k. gotta go catch up with my friend now. God is good! The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.  --Hubert H. Humphrey

  I got my first birthday card in the mail today!  Yay! From my mommy and daddy. Well, actually my first birthday card was yesterday from my car insurance company.  But today's card was real. It was sincere!  I am blessed to have been raised by two loving parents.  I'm sure there were times that I drove them mad and probably still do.  As a parent now myself, I've come to appreciate those challenges that come from raising a child.   Yet, you never stop loving them, sincerely.  To love sincerely is not always an easy thing to.   I mean, let's face it, some people are just hard to love.  But isn't that what Jesus did and asks us to do?  To love the unloveable? Isn't that what he does for us?   Like the love of a parent for their own child.   That often takes courage because it exposes us to potentially be hurt if we don't get that love or appreciation reciprocated.   Sincere love is like a gift, not expecting any...

Sometimes I might feel I'm being under attack especially if things go wrong or don't go my way.  I read the news and become disheartened by the the evil that is happening in the world today.   It is true that we are fighting a spiritual battle and not by what we can see or touch.  It can often be an internal battle.  God tells us to not go into battle unprepared.   Don't give in to our feelings and don't fall into negative thinking.   This passage is a favorite among Sunday Bible school lessons.  In fact, the other day my husband and I and our boys were all trying to remember all the components of the full armor of God.   Paul writes a perfect and wonderful illustration of how we must fight these spiritual battles in God's strength and not our own.  He tells us to put on the belt of truth, the breast plate of righteousness, the Gospel of Peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit and Pray at all times!...

  Mondays are hard, especially after a nice relaxing weekend with family.   I am blessed to have a job that I love doing.  Although some days carry its challenges, and I would be lying if I said that I absolutely look so forward to Mondays, it is an occupation that I feel like I am making a difference in someone else's life.  There are also days that I am torn between my family and my job.  I think that as a woman and a mom, I carry that struggle especially.   How did you do it all those years mom?  Some days I do feel overwhelmed, but it is this bible verse that often carries me through.   I work to please the Lord and serve His children because that is where He wants me to be.  I am also very blessed to have a husband who is a stay at home dad.  It is a decision we made early on and it is what works for us.  And I have to say, my husband is really good at his job, probably better than I ever could be.  It is an important...

  One lesson that's hard to learn I think toward life of sobriety is how to just stay in your emotions and not let them get the best of you.  We live in a culture that encourages a quick fix to whatever is making you FEEL bad, whether alcohol, drugs, medication, food, shopping, or sex. These are only temporary.   They are all illusions and lies that the evil one wants you to believe.  Feelings and emotions will come and go and they can be very misleading.  Bad stuff happens but its how we respond to it that matters.  One solution that is real is the love of God.  You can always go to Him in prayer whenever, wherever you are and in any point in life.  And it lasts longer, cheaper, and you don't have a hangover.  Today I am grateful for the cool trade winds, that I'm able to run and enjoy it, my family and our health. Thank you for joining me today. Have a blessed Sunday!  The best and most beautiful things in the wor...

I used to struggle with this verse.  I strove to be a strong independent woman focused on my career so I really couldn't see myself submitting to anything.    I remember reuniting with two my old girlfriends from college while I was in medical school over coffee one night.   They both were my seniors, good friends and Christian women who I looked up to very much.   I think this was before or just when I became married and not sure how the subject came up.  I will never forget the moment when they looked me straight in the eye and told me that the husband is the head of the household as if they were breaking some horrible news.  This was the truth and I just had to accept it.  Well the message really isn't horrible as I've come to learn.   Its just the concept of submission in this day and age is seen as weakness or slavery.   Its an old fashioned idea for another time.    The submission this passage talks about and actual...

  I can't believe its almost here, my 40th birthday. And soon I will need to go get my boobies smashed for the very first time.   I just can't wait! (sarcasm)  But seriously folks,  now I will take this moment  for a public service announcement.  Women, go get your boobies smashed. It could save your life.   Seriously!  Anyway, moving on. I'm not going to freak out about my birthday just like I said at the beginning of this journey.   I'm really truly excited for my birthday as everyone should be, every year of their life.   It may be hard in a dark world today to get excited about anything.   Not to sound all spooky near Halloween, but evil truly does lurk around us and as evident by watching the news.   Yet, you or I can be a bright star that shines even in the darkest night.  How? By being positive and open to the Holy Spirit in the midst of unbelievers around us.   You might not feel like it and the ene...

      There are times in my life when I've been spiritually asleep.  Those are the times when I don't even know it.  Then I look back and think, 'what was I thinking?' 'How could I have done such a thing or live a certain way?'   Its been 81 days since my last drink.  I really don't think about it much and I really don't like to count, but just thought I'd share.   I think by sharing is my way of staying awake. Today, I went to the dentist, not a pleasant thing I wanted to do, but had to be done.   I was living with a tooth that lost a filling, or so I thought for a few months now.   I remember I just noticed it was missing one day feeling my upper molar with my tongue.  When the dentist looked at it, he said it was actually a chipped tooth, but was chipped in such an unusual way, the filling just popped out.  I was thinking and trying to remember how the heck I could've chipped that tooth?  I don't eat hard candy....

    Every night, as we tuck our boys in bed we ask them these 3 questions.  I have to give my husband credit for coming up with the questions, but it can be either one of us who will do the asking at any given night.  I think it is our way of connecting with our sons one last time before the busy day comes to a close and they wake up and become another day older.     1. What is something that made you sad or cry today?  2. What is something that made you laugh or happy today?  3.  What is something your learned today?  So today I will answer those questions for myself.     1.  When I saw my overloaded schedule at work.   2.  I was blessed to have a couple of highlights.  One was when I received a book.  This was a long anticipated book, written by my favorite author and promised to me back in June at our professional development conference when I got to meet this author in person! ...

I just let go And I feel exposed But its so beautiful 'Cause this is who I am  I've been such a mess But now I can't care less I could bleed to death Oh Lord I'm ready now All the walls are down Time is running out  And I wanna make this count I ran away from you And I did what I wanted to But I don't wanna let you down Oh Lord I'm ready now Lord I'm ready now I was so caught up  In who I'm not Can you please forgive me?  Lord I'm ready now. 

  This weekend was such a quick trip.  Such a blessing to see family again.  I also got to catch up with my best friend.   I just love it when you can catch up with a friend that you haven't seen in awhile like a day never passed between you.  Hard to leave, and I must admit, after seeing relatives again, spending time in my hometown and visiting with an old friend  made me a bit homesick.   That feeling left immediately once I was back in the arms of my hubby and I saw my boys soundly asleep.  Some of the greater things in life are unseen,  thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry or dream--UNKNOWN

My heart is just overflowing right now as I take in the great memories made tonight. Not only did we get to celebrate my parent's 50 years of holy matrimony, but I was also reunited with family and good friends.  God is good!  Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.   --Henry James. 

As I'm writing this, I'm on my way to my parent's 50th anniversary party.  I'm very excited and proud of them.  They are my life heroes.  I love you mom and dad! MARRIAGE, n. [1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history; [2] a word that means commitment but so does insanity; [3] a rite where two people, under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, promise to maintain excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part; [4] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain; [5] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;  Love is our true destiny.  We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.  - Author unknown 

  Another busy, busy day today as I ran around town this morning for meeting, then work.   Its easy to get caught up in the hustle of the day and daily routine.  I usually find that when this happens, I tend to become complacent in my Bible reading and desire runs low.   I may become indifferent to those or events around me.   Its also easy to get overwhelmed and bogged down by everything.   I might become whiney or even nagging.   It affects how I act towards others. Then I know its time for a change to turn my thoughts from myself and  toward Jesus.    Then I pray, pray, pray.  Usually the first battle to be fought is our own mind.  We are our own worst enemy.   So I pray that whoever is reading this, if you are going through a battle right now to give it up to God, and depend on His grace and Holy Spirit.  He has already fought and won the battle on the cross.  All we have to do is surrender to Him and bec...

  Tonight my husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner out for our anniversary.  We will be married 14 years on October 14.   Marriage has its ups and downs and this past year, there has been a lot of downs for us.  But thank God I have been blessed with a loving, God fearing man who refuses to give up on us.  He is my best friend and love of my life and I'm so lucky to have him for my husband.  I admit, I was a bit worried tonight as this was our first date night out alone in awhile and my first nice dinner with no alcohol.  I am so accustomed to the ritual of having a nice full glass of wine with my tasty gourmet steak dinner.  Another change, different, awkward, but I survived.  And I still enjoyed every bite of that delicious meal.  And not only that, I got more tickles, laughs and warm gushes from my date than any tall glass of cabernet can ever give me.  And it was real!   Those are the moments I hold on to.  ...

    Day 21, twenty-one.  What would I tell my younger, 21 year old self?  I usually don't like questions like this. For one thing, I couldn't tell my younger 21 year old self anything because she wouldn't listen.  She's just too stubborn and going to do her own thing anyway.  And I would know because she is me.  Also, I believe everything happens for a reason, even the horrible,  embarrassing stuff.  I just couldn't mess with the base time continuum.  But if I really had to think about it?  hmm let's see.  When I was 21, I was in my last years in college and engaged to be a married to a man who would later dump me.  It was the end of my world and up until that point probably the most traumatic thing that happened to me.  Yes, I've lived a privileged life.    I think I would tell my younger self.  'Hang on, its not the end of the world.  It's going to get better; weirder, but better.  Don...

     I can't believe I'm half way through this 40 day journey! Time flies when you're having fun.  And just about finished with my 21 day fast that I started with my church.   The most important thing I've learned from that 21 day fast and my evening devotional is just how to rest in God and enjoy his presence.  I will go back to having my sweets after dinner, but I will continue my abstinence from alcohol.  Starting that fast, felt weird and awkward in the beginning.  Nobody likes change.  Change is difficult and uncomfortable.  Again, this isn't me who wants to do this, but something I feel led to do and the Holy Spirit working in me.  And you know what?  God is so good, because from that change, I found an inner peace.   It may sound all zen, mystical and elusive, but its the truth.   And it hasn't been easy, to live with integrity, to be the same person inside and out.  I've been so used to living with ma...

   Today we welcomed our friend Tierra into our home who will be visiting with us from California  before she embarks on her new adventure to serve our country in the army.  She has been a part of our family since, well, since we've been a family.   When we welcome someone into our home, we say, help yourself.  Mi Casa es su casa!   The house of God teaches us something similar.  The house of God shows us that we belong to him.  It teaches us that we also have access to Him and can come to him with our needs.  We can also find rest and comfort there.  And when we're away or stray,  we get home sick, and long to be back in our Father's presence.  We may face problems and trials in this world, but we can always come back home.   Thank you for joining me today. Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.  --Marie Curie  

This is one of my favorite verses because it is a beautiful prayer Paul is praying for the church.  Consider for a moment that it is Christ  praying these same things for you.  Imagine, God almighty ,creator of heaven and earth is praying for you.   The same God of miracles and maker of stars, planets, majestic mountains, wonders of nature genuinely cares for you and all your problems. No matter how big or small your worries are or time of day, you can always come to him.  He wants you to! I think that's pretty awesome and comforting. Take the time out today to come to God and pour your heart out to him. They're not gray hairs, they're wisdom highlights.  --Author unknown

  I've read this story in the bible before, but tonight during my 'fasting' devotional time,  I really got to chew on it, but it was kind of hard to swallow.   It talks about the three Jewish men who were demanded by King Nebuchadnezzar to worship the image he set up commanding all to follow or else they'd be set thrown into the fiery furnace.   Their response is what you see above and what a powerful story of faith.   I'll let you read the rest of the story on your own,  and I'll try not to spoil the ending.  Trust me, it's  a good one!  What really got to me in their response is not only their faith that God will deliver them from it, but even if he didn't, it didn't change their commitment to their decision.    This is not only a story of powerful faith, but the real nitty, gritty true faith like  when the rubber meets the road story and not the fluffy feel good stories we always want to hear.  Now I am grateful tha...

  Today was a very hectic, flash of a day.  I am grateful that I had a moment in my fasting devotional time to just let go and let God.   I encourage you to make time out of your day, no matter how busy to pray, reflect or meditate.   Its not only beneficial mentally, but restorative physically and vital to overall spiritual health.   I may have had a rough few days but that is one of the things that helps me to keep my eyes open to the blessings around me. To live will be an awfully big adventure --J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan Happy Birthday dad! 

    Well I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later after moving here to Hawaii, but I thought it'd be for a different reason.  Today I got my first traffic ticket in this state and it was for using my mobile phone.  I wasn't even texting! I was just tapping the screen to start my pandora then set the phone down. Oh, but they had an operation.  Someone was hiding out tagging people to get pulled in to the parking lot where I was directed by a police officer. Not cool!  Surprised at first,  but immediately knew it must have had something to do with my cell phone.     I can already tell the officer  did not look happy to be working this gig so I was not about to argue.  Besides, I just got off work, picked up my lunch and just wanted to go home.   So I took it and was not very happy. So annoying!  Ok so am I supposed to learn from this? Well, I guess I can  be more careful from now on and avoid using my phone in ...

Counting my blessings today, my health, family, husband and the trade winds!  The One I’d rather not be just a spectator of this drama called life. I would prefer to play my own leading role, direct my own script, and sing my own songs. However, I cannot forget that above all, there is One great author and conductor of the larger cosmic opera - The One from whom all things originate and emanate, the righteousness of whom my heart yearns for that whenever I forget, and fret, a reminder comes in more ways than one. These reminders come in unexpected moments: In the coming of each morn, no matter how dark and stormy the night has been, in the tender rebuke of one who cares, or tentative smile of a stranger who dares. In the gurgling laughter of a child, in the weak nod of the old, nearing his time, in the hopeful eyes of one who strives, in the need for guide of one who’s blind, the humility of one who accepts his fault, and the downfall of the one full of pri...

      So I'm in my bathroom tonight, touching my roots, Ms. Clairol style trying to think of what I should write about today.   And my idea became apparent as I was concealing it before my eyes, my gray hair.  So that's what I'll talk about.      I have had gray hair since I was six years old.   I remember this because I took the plucked strand to school for show and tell.  Now that I recall, that morning while I was getting ready for school,  was not that much different from my bathroom epiphany tonight, except my mom was combing my hair and I was whining about wanting to bring something for show and tell.  I  couldn't think of what to bring that day, then PLUCK!  'Here ya go, bring that to show and tell.' my mom handed to me.    At the time, I was more amazed and felt special.  It was really a novelty, but not enough to get on Ripley's Believe or Not.    Darn, I loved that show.  ...

    I've been feeling a little under the weather this week.   Today I pushed myself to work an after hours shift.   I think sometimes God uses these times to make us realize we need to slow down.   Well,I definitely learned to slow down.        Its been 64 days or 2 months since I've had a drink, not that I'm counting or anything.  It hasn't been too difficult.  I have gone longer before.  I have three boys remember? all healthy pregnancies.  However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.  To tell you the truth, it feels like its been longer.  Yet, my desire to NOT have a drink is stronger than my desire to have one.   I haven't really been tempted. And the reasons NOT to far outweigh the reasons to have it so its not worth it.   I'll have a chocolate  chip cookie instead.  Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  -Chili Davis

    What does it mean to be a Christian? After these past couple of days, I feel compelled to answer this question. I feel like I was challenged recently to define the word, 'Christian'. Of course, if you ask different people, I'm sure everyone will give a different answer.  Well, this is my answer.  Yes, it is unfortunate that the very word has brought negative connotations for whatever reason and likely based on people's own experiences or background. Its unfortunate, but true.       Being a Christian to me means being a Christ follower.  And to be a Christ follower is to simply  live a life to be more Christ like.  That's certainly sounds like a tall order doesn't it? And definitely not a simple or easy life.  It's a tall order and a goal that will never be met as long as I live here on earth. The reason is because I am a sinner.  I am not perfect. I make mistakes.  Don't put me on a pedestal because I will ...