HOPEful girl

    Every night, as we tuck our boys in bed we ask them these 3 questions.  I have to give my husband credit for coming up with the questions, but it can be either one of us who will do the asking at any given night.  I think it is our way of connecting with our sons one last time before the busy day comes to a close and they wake up and become another day older.     1. What is something that made you sad or cry today?  2. What is something that made you laugh or happy today?  3.  What is something your learned today?  So today I will answer those questions for myself.     1.  When I saw my overloaded schedule at work.   2.  I was blessed to have a couple of highlights.  One was when I received a book.  This was a long anticipated book, written by my favorite author and promised to me back in June at our professional development conference when I got to meet this author in person! ...

I just let go And I feel exposed But its so beautiful 'Cause this is who I am  I've been such a mess But now I can't care less I could bleed to death Oh Lord I'm ready now All the walls are down Time is running out  And I wanna make this count I ran away from you And I did what I wanted to But I don't wanna let you down Oh Lord I'm ready now Lord I'm ready now I was so caught up  In who I'm not Can you please forgive me?  Lord I'm ready now. 

  This weekend was such a quick trip.  Such a blessing to see family again.  I also got to catch up with my best friend.   I just love it when you can catch up with a friend that you haven't seen in awhile like a day never passed between you.  Hard to leave, and I must admit, after seeing relatives again, spending time in my hometown and visiting with an old friend  made me a bit homesick.   That feeling left immediately once I was back in the arms of my hubby and I saw my boys soundly asleep.  Some of the greater things in life are unseen,  thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry or dream--UNKNOWN

My heart is just overflowing right now as I take in the great memories made tonight. Not only did we get to celebrate my parent's 50 years of holy matrimony, but I was also reunited with family and good friends.  God is good!  Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.   --Henry James. 

As I'm writing this, I'm on my way to my parent's 50th anniversary party.  I'm very excited and proud of them.  They are my life heroes.  I love you mom and dad! MARRIAGE, n. [1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history; [2] a word that means commitment but so does insanity; [3] a rite where two people, under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, promise to maintain excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part; [4] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain; [5] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;  Love is our true destiny.  We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.  - Author unknown 

  Another busy, busy day today as I ran around town this morning for meeting, then work.   Its easy to get caught up in the hustle of the day and daily routine.  I usually find that when this happens, I tend to become complacent in my Bible reading and desire runs low.   I may become indifferent to those or events around me.   Its also easy to get overwhelmed and bogged down by everything.   I might become whiney or even nagging.   It affects how I act towards others. Then I know its time for a change to turn my thoughts from myself and  toward Jesus.    Then I pray, pray, pray.  Usually the first battle to be fought is our own mind.  We are our own worst enemy.   So I pray that whoever is reading this, if you are going through a battle right now to give it up to God, and depend on His grace and Holy Spirit.  He has already fought and won the battle on the cross.  All we have to do is surrender to Him and bec...

  Tonight my husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner out for our anniversary.  We will be married 14 years on October 14.   Marriage has its ups and downs and this past year, there has been a lot of downs for us.  But thank God I have been blessed with a loving, God fearing man who refuses to give up on us.  He is my best friend and love of my life and I'm so lucky to have him for my husband.  I admit, I was a bit worried tonight as this was our first date night out alone in awhile and my first nice dinner with no alcohol.  I am so accustomed to the ritual of having a nice full glass of wine with my tasty gourmet steak dinner.  Another change, different, awkward, but I survived.  And I still enjoyed every bite of that delicious meal.  And not only that, I got more tickles, laughs and warm gushes from my date than any tall glass of cabernet can ever give me.  And it was real!   Those are the moments I hold on to.  ...

    Day 21, twenty-one.  What would I tell my younger, 21 year old self?  I usually don't like questions like this. For one thing, I couldn't tell my younger 21 year old self anything because she wouldn't listen.  She's just too stubborn and going to do her own thing anyway.  And I would know because she is me.  Also, I believe everything happens for a reason, even the horrible,  embarrassing stuff.  I just couldn't mess with the base time continuum.  But if I really had to think about it?  hmm let's see.  When I was 21, I was in my last years in college and engaged to be a married to a man who would later dump me.  It was the end of my world and up until that point probably the most traumatic thing that happened to me.  Yes, I've lived a privileged life.    I think I would tell my younger self.  'Hang on, its not the end of the world.  It's going to get better; weirder, but better.  Don...

     I can't believe I'm half way through this 40 day journey! Time flies when you're having fun.  And just about finished with my 21 day fast that I started with my church.   The most important thing I've learned from that 21 day fast and my evening devotional is just how to rest in God and enjoy his presence.  I will go back to having my sweets after dinner, but I will continue my abstinence from alcohol.  Starting that fast, felt weird and awkward in the beginning.  Nobody likes change.  Change is difficult and uncomfortable.  Again, this isn't me who wants to do this, but something I feel led to do and the Holy Spirit working in me.  And you know what?  God is so good, because from that change, I found an inner peace.   It may sound all zen, mystical and elusive, but its the truth.   And it hasn't been easy, to live with integrity, to be the same person inside and out.  I've been so used to living with ma...

   Today we welcomed our friend Tierra into our home who will be visiting with us from California  before she embarks on her new adventure to serve our country in the army.  She has been a part of our family since, well, since we've been a family.   When we welcome someone into our home, we say, help yourself.  Mi Casa es su casa!   The house of God teaches us something similar.  The house of God shows us that we belong to him.  It teaches us that we also have access to Him and can come to him with our needs.  We can also find rest and comfort there.  And when we're away or stray,  we get home sick, and long to be back in our Father's presence.  We may face problems and trials in this world, but we can always come back home.   Thank you for joining me today. Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.  --Marie Curie  

This is one of my favorite verses because it is a beautiful prayer Paul is praying for the church.  Consider for a moment that it is Christ  praying these same things for you.  Imagine, God almighty ,creator of heaven and earth is praying for you.   The same God of miracles and maker of stars, planets, majestic mountains, wonders of nature genuinely cares for you and all your problems. No matter how big or small your worries are or time of day, you can always come to him.  He wants you to! I think that's pretty awesome and comforting. Take the time out today to come to God and pour your heart out to him. They're not gray hairs, they're wisdom highlights.  --Author unknown

  I've read this story in the bible before, but tonight during my 'fasting' devotional time,  I really got to chew on it, but it was kind of hard to swallow.   It talks about the three Jewish men who were demanded by King Nebuchadnezzar to worship the image he set up commanding all to follow or else they'd be set thrown into the fiery furnace.   Their response is what you see above and what a powerful story of faith.   I'll let you read the rest of the story on your own,  and I'll try not to spoil the ending.  Trust me, it's  a good one!  What really got to me in their response is not only their faith that God will deliver them from it, but even if he didn't, it didn't change their commitment to their decision.    This is not only a story of powerful faith, but the real nitty, gritty true faith like  when the rubber meets the road story and not the fluffy feel good stories we always want to hear.  Now I am grateful tha...

  Today was a very hectic, flash of a day.  I am grateful that I had a moment in my fasting devotional time to just let go and let God.   I encourage you to make time out of your day, no matter how busy to pray, reflect or meditate.   Its not only beneficial mentally, but restorative physically and vital to overall spiritual health.   I may have had a rough few days but that is one of the things that helps me to keep my eyes open to the blessings around me. To live will be an awfully big adventure --J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan Happy Birthday dad! 

    Well I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later after moving here to Hawaii, but I thought it'd be for a different reason.  Today I got my first traffic ticket in this state and it was for using my mobile phone.  I wasn't even texting! I was just tapping the screen to start my pandora then set the phone down. Oh, but they had an operation.  Someone was hiding out tagging people to get pulled in to the parking lot where I was directed by a police officer. Not cool!  Surprised at first,  but immediately knew it must have had something to do with my cell phone.     I can already tell the officer  did not look happy to be working this gig so I was not about to argue.  Besides, I just got off work, picked up my lunch and just wanted to go home.   So I took it and was not very happy. So annoying!  Ok so am I supposed to learn from this? Well, I guess I can  be more careful from now on and avoid using my phone in ...

Counting my blessings today, my health, family, husband and the trade winds!  The One I’d rather not be just a spectator of this drama called life. I would prefer to play my own leading role, direct my own script, and sing my own songs. However, I cannot forget that above all, there is One great author and conductor of the larger cosmic opera - The One from whom all things originate and emanate, the righteousness of whom my heart yearns for that whenever I forget, and fret, a reminder comes in more ways than one. These reminders come in unexpected moments: In the coming of each morn, no matter how dark and stormy the night has been, in the tender rebuke of one who cares, or tentative smile of a stranger who dares. In the gurgling laughter of a child, in the weak nod of the old, nearing his time, in the hopeful eyes of one who strives, in the need for guide of one who’s blind, the humility of one who accepts his fault, and the downfall of the one full of pri...

      So I'm in my bathroom tonight, touching my roots, Ms. Clairol style trying to think of what I should write about today.   And my idea became apparent as I was concealing it before my eyes, my gray hair.  So that's what I'll talk about.      I have had gray hair since I was six years old.   I remember this because I took the plucked strand to school for show and tell.  Now that I recall, that morning while I was getting ready for school,  was not that much different from my bathroom epiphany tonight, except my mom was combing my hair and I was whining about wanting to bring something for show and tell.  I  couldn't think of what to bring that day, then PLUCK!  'Here ya go, bring that to show and tell.' my mom handed to me.    At the time, I was more amazed and felt special.  It was really a novelty, but not enough to get on Ripley's Believe or Not.    Darn, I loved that show.  ...

    I've been feeling a little under the weather this week.   Today I pushed myself to work an after hours shift.   I think sometimes God uses these times to make us realize we need to slow down.   Well,I definitely learned to slow down.        Its been 64 days or 2 months since I've had a drink, not that I'm counting or anything.  It hasn't been too difficult.  I have gone longer before.  I have three boys remember? all healthy pregnancies.  However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it.  To tell you the truth, it feels like its been longer.  Yet, my desire to NOT have a drink is stronger than my desire to have one.   I haven't really been tempted. And the reasons NOT to far outweigh the reasons to have it so its not worth it.   I'll have a chocolate  chip cookie instead.  Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  -Chili Davis

    What does it mean to be a Christian? After these past couple of days, I feel compelled to answer this question. I feel like I was challenged recently to define the word, 'Christian'. Of course, if you ask different people, I'm sure everyone will give a different answer.  Well, this is my answer.  Yes, it is unfortunate that the very word has brought negative connotations for whatever reason and likely based on people's own experiences or background. Its unfortunate, but true.       Being a Christian to me means being a Christ follower.  And to be a Christ follower is to simply  live a life to be more Christ like.  That's certainly sounds like a tall order doesn't it? And definitely not a simple or easy life.  It's a tall order and a goal that will never be met as long as I live here on earth. The reason is because I am a sinner.  I am not perfect. I make mistakes.  Don't put me on a pedestal because I will ...

I had a rough day yesterday. Felt defeated physically, and emotionally. Sang this song to sleep. Praying for a better day today. Everyone needs compassion A love that's never-ending Let mercy fall on me Everyone needs forgiveness The kindness of a Savior The hope of nations Savior he can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave. So take me as you find me. All my fears and failures Fill my life again

  So lesson learned from yesterday's dilemma, or shall I say drama is that I can't always be responsible for other people's feelings and I can't always make everyone happy even though I want to.  Its just not realistic. It did provide good practice though in making me stop and think before reacting.  I also had to trust in God that whatever happens everything will work out according to his will.  So moving on,...      One good thing about having a birthday at the end of the year is getting to see all my friends turn 40 before me. Haha!!  But seriously, this morning I was reminded of a wonderful friendship I had when I saw my friend's 40th birthday pictures on Facebook.  She is a friend  I knew in grade school and she and another girlfriend and I became really close during our junior high years.   At an awkward and vulnerable time in my life when I was often bullied and at my lowest self-esteem, these young women were my life l...

    Today was pretty routine for me until the last few hours of it.  Then it was pretty much like that rainbow mountain in the picture you see.  I had my up and I had my down.  Let's start with the down. I can't go into too much detail here to protect the names of those involved.   I think you'll still get the point.    So the downer was when  I felt accused of not accepting or liking a certain person.   I say, 'I felt' because this person didn't out right say 'hey, why don't you like and accept this person, everyone else does?'  They didn't say it in those words exactly, but in my interaction with them today, this is how I felt.   I immediately felt upset and disappointed.  How dare they?!  How dare they accuse me of not liking or accepting them? even shunning them?!  Why would they think they are being singled out or not treated fairly?  What have I ever done to make them feel that way? Well, that's ...

     Today was such a busy and hectic day back to work after the long weekend.   Its as if the wind passed over me,  not just once but several times leaving me completely wiped out.   Thank you God for sustaining me throughout this day.  Thank you for my family to come home to.   And thank you God for air conditioning.    You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.   -Douglas MacArthur

      As I shared on day 4,  since the day I picked up the bible my life was never the same but it was much more than that.  It wasn't enough for my ears to hear and my mind to just believe in this infallible word of God.  I had to take a a step of faith to come to accept Jesus Christ.  From there, a new relationship was born. I didn't become perfect but it definitely changed the direction of my life.   Today, I share a poem that I recently read and really had an effect on me.  I couldn't find the author but I borrow it from one of the Bible app devotionals.  This poem, I guess I can say further sparked the fire for this blog,  to start this 40 day journey and become a better version of myself.  I invite you to read it for  yourself, meditate on it, and perhaps even ask yourself what you would write to yourself.   Mahalo for joining me on this day!  "Dear Me,  I've known you for as long as I can rem...

      Today was a good day.  I spent this morning at church, and had a nice time with my family this afternoon.   It was the kind of day where I couldn't help but think, this is definitely more than I deserve.   I am so grateful that despite all my shortcomings, God loves me anyway.   There have been times in my life when I could have OR should have been in a lot more trouble, but I was spared. God has been good to me and not because what I've done but because He is so gracious and merciful.      I've never committed to a fast like this before.  It has truly allowed me to be totally immersed in God's word.  I have to say so far, it is refreshing, challenging, enlightening and a true blessing.  Praying that whoever's reading this now will have a blessed Labor Day! Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up en...

      I grew up in a church that really didn't teach me to read the bible. I was taught what was right and wrong through catechism classes,  teachers and religious leaders.   But I'm not about to blast my Catholic upbringing.  I am actually very grateful for the foundation it gave me.  However for a long time there was no connection between what was taught to me  and my very heart and soul.  It was all nice but it meant little to me personally,  like a one way street and no relationship.  Well I finally decided to read the bible on my own, for MY own self. So that I can make my own interpretation and not just what someone else was telling me.  I read the bible cover to cover a couple of times , but from day one something slowy was beginning to change inside me. A relationship was forming between me and my God. Since then, my life has never been the same and all for the better. My passion for God's word is strong but I confes...

  It does get tempting to deviate from my commitment.  Nobody has to know and sometimes it gets lonely.  I  pray that God will give me the strength to stick it out.  Since I stopped drinking I feel more healthy.  I have more energy, and more clear minded. My husband and I are closer.  I can enjoy my kids more because seriously, it's no fun taking care of a four year old when you have a hangover. I do feel like the neurons in my brain that have been lying dormant are suddenly coming to life hence my recent infection with this writing bug. I suddenly have lots of ideas and my dreams are more vivid.  And spiritually? Well my faith is stretched and pulled everyday.  It doesn't FEEL right but it's really not supposed to FEEL right. It feels darn right awkward sometimes actually. Yet somehow, I  find comfort in that awkwardness. With the stretching and pulling I also find rest in knowing something bigger and greater than I am has got this...

My sacrifice.       The word integrity comes from the root integer.  An integer in math terms is a whole number, not a fraction or decimal.  An integer is undivided, complete in itself. To have integrity, is to be the same, through and through, front and back, in public and private.  God will intervene in our lives to shape our integrity.       During the first 21 days of this journey, I'm participating in a  fast.  Since, I'm training for a half marathon in a few weeks, I really can't skip meals.  So I'm giving up my after dinner dessert (cakes, cookies, ice cream) that I so enjoy and using that time in my evening devotional.   This will be tough, but not as hard as what I've already been fasting from.  During this whole journey, I will continue my abstinence from a much more coveted indulgence.  It has been exactly 55 days, since I had a sip of alcohol.  I love wine!  I can enjoy any ...

          I  used to wonder why some people, especially women stress so much over birthdays.   After all, this is the one day you get to have for yourself, something to celebrate and yet some people freak out like it's the end of the world. I've always looked  forward to birthdays especially my own.  These people really need to get over it. What's the big deal?  I know its gender and culturally influenced.  This country especially just loves to hold on to youth.  Its ridiculous really. Then one day while I was seeking the counsel of a wise woman , aka getting my hair done, my hair stylist pointed out that birthdays especially milestone birthdays are a time when people tend to reflect on their life, past achievements or lack there of and unrealized goals    It is a time when physical ailments and limitations, death and loss of loved ones start to appear. It is at time one is confronted with the reality...