A maze of grace
Jesus replied, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.’ -Matthew 22:37-39
Have you ever been through a maze? Some years ago, I remember going through a corn maze with my older two boys at the pumpkin patch by my under grad college, in California. There are not very many pumpkin patches here in Hawaii unfortunately. I had to really seek one out this year. We do have a pineapple maze at the Dole pineapple Plantation that we all went through as a family one time. For both mazes, I recall walking through or running even at times just trying to keep up with my boys going ahead of me in fear that I would lose them. If I couldn’t see them, then sure enough, one wrong turn and we’d be lost. Those times I felt I had lost them, I would just start shouting their names and they would shout back so I can follow their voice until we were eventually reunited. And somehow, some way, after numerous turns , twists, shouts, bumps into each other, we’d eventually find our way out.
If there was only a way we can see with a map or from above so we can just walk straight through with no problem.
I haven’t posted in awhile, but God keeps teaching me in all seasons of my life. We settled our oldest, Andrew into college. And our younger 2 boys are well into their school year here. My youngest had to adjust as he started a new school transitioning from public to private school.
Recently I had the privilege of seeing our oldest son off to college at Biola University, La mirada, California, attending orientation events. My son who has a heart for missionary work will be studying for his B.A. in Bible theology and ministry. My heart is full of mixed emotions as a parent can be while letting go of their first son onto this next chapter. But I must say I am also a little jealous. Here I am fighting , struggling at times to carve out time in my day to study the Bible. There’s nothing like getting deep in the Word. I truly love it and here he is getting to do just that every day in his major.
Actually, if I had my way I can spend the whole day, every day in my bible study and prayer, reading, comparing, highlighting, underlining, reading commentaries, meditating, bible journaling, listening to sermons and on and on. However, I don’t think this is only half the command of what God is calling me to do. I need to go to work, get out there and this is where that second equally important commandment comes in. Yes, I think I have that first part of the commandment in Matthew 22 down, loving God with all my heart, soul and mind pretty good. However, when it comes to that second part, loving my neighbor, loving others, as myself that’s the part I tend to struggle with.
As a medical professional in this day and covid age, it is very easy for me to get caught up in this whole vaccine debate. After all, it is my job as a physician, to promote healthy living and naturally I would want what’s best for others. Even before, covid, vaccines or rather anti-vaxers were always a hot button for me. I’ve spent years in school studying the science so yes, I trust it. I’ve seen both the benefits of vaccines and the risks. I trained in a hospital who saw a lot of foreign patients who came from countries that didn’t have vaccines. I’ve seen first hand, children dying from diseases that could have easily been prevented. So yes, I guess you can say it is a hot button topic for me. And I’m not here to prove a point --why God would support vaccines. I’m not here to tell you the truth of how our bodies are not our own and we are to glorify God with them so He would want us to live healthy lives so we can use our bodies to spread His word. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) I’m not here to argue how science is a way God has revealed himself. And so God has also revealed himself through Jesus and the Word and therefore, there should be no conflict between science and faith. And how God our great physician can help guide medical professionals, work through doctors to change lives of people for the better. It is not my intention to argue those points. I’ll let you do your own topical bible study or if you just let me know, maybe I’ll do a whole other blog on that. And it wouldn’t be to argue or debate, only present information, the truth to whoever would be open to that. But no, today I’m not here to argue. There’s been too much of that going around.
Rather, I’ll share how the argument changed me.
How I found myself lacking respect, having ill thoughts even of people who didn’t quite agree with my view point. Some of these people included people in my own church and it really interfered with the way I would relate to them.
As I mentioned before, as a medical professional, its easy to get ‘caught up’ in the debates. And as a disciple of Christ its easy to get lost in this maze, if I’m not following the right direction.
I was recently given some re-direction when I had the privilege to hear Dr. Tony Evans give the message at Harvest church in Riverside, California, while I was out there this past August moving in my son. The message was about building kingdom disciples. He started off by talking about the great sport of football. In this sport, you have two opposing teams, each with their own very different goals.
Both are going to try everything they can to achieve that goal and that results in a lot of collision. He points out there is a third team, that is the referees who are the officials. They play by a different set of goals. That is according to the instruction book that they have been given. As disciples of Christ, and in the midst of the chaos, we have been called to be an officiant team and also given an instruction book. We have been called in the Great Commision (Matthew 28:16-20) to be disciples of Christ and go make disciples and live by a different standard. We are first God representatives.
Pastor Tony goes on to boldy point out that some of God’s officiant team has joined some of the teams on the ground and forgotten to be heaven’s representatives on earth. Ouch! Was that me? Whenever I have those judgmental thoughts pop in my head or feel my blood start to boil at a person’s remark about how they ‘just don’t believe in vaccines’, then I remember this message. I remember the words Jesus spoke in Matthew 22: 37-39, loving others.
Or in the gospel of John,
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14 NIV)
As a disciple of Christ, Jesus comes into our hearts so I too should be radiating His light in grace and truth.
I recall James 3:17
But the wisdom that come from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good deeds, impartial and sincere.
Only then I can be in a position to listen and witness to other’s needs and not join the opposing team. Only then, I can move in a direction where God would want me to be going as His representative.
At my last recovery meeting we talked about forgiveness. This is an important step in recovery. At the moment I couldn’t think of any one I needed to forgive or anyone that I needed to seek forgiveness from. However, when the word, ‘resentment’ came up, I had to stop and come clean. Resentment doesn’t necessarily have to be directed at one person, but could be just resentment at the way things have turned out when it hasn’t been in your favor. In this case, the resentment is towards God. Was this me? yes. Ouch! Another revelation stinger.
I have been struggling with a past resentment at work, that sometimes still bothers me, the fact that I didn’t get a certain position I thought I deserved.
This resentment has led me to believe some lies.
I'm not good enough.
I must not be held in very high regard or thought of as not competent, worrying about what others think of me.
Since I’m not from here, I won’t be given same opportunities for projects or leadership.
These lies led me to get lost in the maze and burnt out.
Thankfully, God has been slowly revealing parts of my heart like how
I was caught seeking fulfillment in work rather than my Lord.
Then he revealed His truth.
I have a place and purpose for where I am. I should work for the Lord and not for man. Love my patients as Jesus loved and served others.
Only God can fulfill me, not my job or some position.
I also forgot the reason why I went into medicine. I forgot how to be a God representative in the medical world.
Way back when, while I was in medical school, I had the opportunity go to a summer missions project that taught health professionals how to integrate faith into their practice. I learned the importance of spirituality in treating the whole person. Somehow along the way I got lost, overwhelmed by residency, having a family, then even more lost in my addictions to drugs and alcohol.
I’ve been wanting to get back to that place of integrating my faith in my work. God has been faithful to guide me back on track. One way is the Women Physician’s in Christ conferences that I’ve been able to attend online due to Covid. I’m also currently doing a “Faith Prescriptions’ online study that is equipping me to communicate the love of Christ with my patients. I am very excited to be learning these skills again, some of which I was encouraged to learn that I’ve already been practicing.
Have you ever looked back on something that God has brought you through and questioned why God took you down that particular path? It could have been easier, or made much sense to go this other way and it would have brought you to the same place, but instead you had to go through all these twists and turns like in a maze. I think its because our Father wants to use those times we feel lost to lean on him and really listen to His voice. If we went the easy path, there would be the tendency to depend on your own ability for getting through. Yet this way, the Holy Spirit is leading the way, and its God that gets the glory. Although it may not make sense at the time, He has a purpose for taking you there down that particular path.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
We need to practice walking with our Lord through the haze of uncertainty. We need to embrace his presence as we navigate through difficult situations.
Are you going through something right now that makes you feel lost in a maze? Did you make a wrong turn and now not sure which way to turn next? Or maybe things are happening in your life that don’t quite make sense. Don’t mistake God’s apparent inactivity for His absence. Just like getting lost in the maze, sometimes you need to stop, get your bearings, look around you, call out for Him and listen to His voice. Trust that your Father in heaven has a plan and knows what’s best for us. Call on His Holy Spirit to be your guide. He is always there and faithful to lead you through this maze of life in a maze of grace.
I'll leave you with this song.
Thank you for letting me share,
Hopefulgirl Janette
grateful believer in Christ,
sober for 6 years, 3 months and 5 days
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