Crooked spine, crooked path

 

Today I went for a brisk 45 minute walk.  And that was the hardest thing for me to do. You might be wondering why.   Why would a  measly brisk 45 minute walk be such a big deal for this woman whos’ run marathons and 10 Ks and sprint triathlons before? 

Well it all started in 2012. I was driving home from work in Orange County on the 5 rush hour traffic.  It was about a couple weeks after I ran the Huntington Beach half marathon, the one they have on super bowl Sunday every year.   It was stop and go traffic. Then suddenly, as my foot came off the gas, a lightening bolt pain shot me right in the ARSE!  or  right buttock that is. 

Thereafter I would always have this tender spot or pain in the very crook of my right hamstring. Nothing severe enough to keep me from running , just a nuisance like that little kink you got in the back that tightens up every once in awhile.  I’ve got one of those too. On my right upper back, scapula to be doctor exact and I can remember the exact moment I got that- in college during a biostatistics test.  But I digress..

The pain in my right hamstring would just be a thorn in my side.

I would still be able to run 2 marathons and various other races.  Still it was always there.  I was stuck with it until I finally decided to do something about it or see if anything that can be done about it and sought professional help.  Years later from that shocking pain moment I would go to see a sports medicine specialist.  All this time I thought the problem had to do with my scoliosis.  This was a problem I had pointed out to me during one of my clinical exam courses in medical school when we practiced doing physical exams on each other, but that is a story for another time.     The scoliosis or curvature of the spine was causing my back to be lopsided therefor my hips and there for my legs.  I had uneven legs!  I thought this was contributing to my hamstring problem and all I needed was some orthotics or foot inserts to even it out and voila, problem solved, that and with some physical therapy.   Yes, I was diagnosing myself and establishing my own treatment plan.   I mean, who would know better. 

The sports med specialist told me otherwise.  That  wouldn’t solve the problem but with some good physical therapy, it might.  OH what do those doctors know!  Then she recommended getting an MRI.  The MRI confirmed I definitely had problems—inflammation at the hamstring origins and adductors, the semimembranosus to be exact and recommended a comprehensive rehab program focused on core strengthening.    Well there you have it.  I never did a formal rehab program, only exercises on my own, but since that MRI, I’ve run a few 10K races and half marathon. I would not run a marathon again.  

Since moving to a place with a lot of hills, this injury has only worsened.   I can run fine, its after that’s the problem.  If I wanted to continue walking like a normal person, I had to take a break.   That was the question, how long a break?  Over this time period, I heard a whisper telling me that I need to take at least a year off.  Nope, out of the question, that’s not possible. I would try a few days off  and it would get better. This time it wasn’t getting better.   That whisper was getting louder.  

Last week, while doing a simple task like grocery shopping, I can feel a shooting pain going down my leg and tingling in my toes.   This isn ’t good.  

Ok, I will take a longer break from running.  I decided not to run again until January 1,2025.  Once I made this decision I cried like a baby then I told myself to get over it.  There’s lots of people that go on living without running.  Weirdos! But I guess its possible.    It will be hard but its possible, and that is why I am writing about it.   To grieve and lament the loss of my one joy in life! ok a little dramatic, but also so you will keep me accountable.   Whoever is reading this? hello out there? 

And what is God telling me in all this?  

That I’m just as stubborn as some of my own patients who refuse to listen to medical advice?  Nope, not possible. 

That there are better  things  he has in store to reveal to me if I just stop running for a bit so I can listen and see?  Maybe.   I will just have to trust in this, even if the road is not clear and even if I’m not running, only walking on this road.  God  and He alone will make it straight.  

The way to go that is, not my spine, although that would be nice too, God.