Espada!

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The Covid pandemic has left this once bustling tourist resort that I live in into a quiet oasis.  I enjoy running  along the lagoon pathways that are now less crowded.  The peaceful beaches and ocean views serve me well as a remote break to my busy work days.     I get to enjoy beautiful sunrises and sunsets.    Doesn’t sound too bad you think? Lucky to live in Hawaii in the pandemic!  Yet, in all this splendor,  I’m left with a feeling that’s something missing.  My sister was supposed to visit this time with her family, but those plans were wiped out by covid.  Oh how I would have loved to spend some time with my sis sharing in all this splendor, hiking, beaching and just catching up.  Guess we’ll have to wait a little longer.  A piece of my heart is still with my family in the mainland and this pandemic makes me feel even more distant.  How can one truly enjoy paradise if they don’t have their loved ones to share it with?   


I came across an interesting sermon in my YouTube scrolling, Francs Chan’s ‘How to know if you’re in love with Jesus’.  I highly recommend that you check this out.   In this sermon, Pastor Chan poses this challenging question , if you can have everything you can in heaven, with everything you ever wanted, no sickness, all family and friends, no conflict, all the food you liked and the activities you enjoyed, all earthly pleasures,   would you be satisfied if Christ wasn’t there?   Hmm, That question really struck me.  Convicted me.  Would I be satisfied?  Do I love Christ that much?  Or do I love Jesus just for what he can do for me, for the forgiveness I get and only as a way to get to heaven. Do I really love Jesus for who he is so much that I would look forward to the moments that I can spend with him like  my quiet time and bible time? Or Do I just love the idea of him? Is he just a crutch to get by in this world? Just someone to call on when I’m in trouble? 

As Psalm 27:4 illustrates, Am I seeking the Lord the most? Am I making him first in my life? 


Lots of questions. Do you know who asks lots of questions? My 9 year old son, Micah.  

 ‘Mom, what is your favorite animal ?  What’s your favorite color? Do they have video games in heaven? Why is it called corona virus?’  

This next one really spun me. 

‘What is the word for ‘sword’ in Spanish? 

‘What? Why?

‘Because when I discover a new virus I’m going to name it that (referring to corona virus, after I had explained to him why it was called the Spanish word for crown). Not sure, why he thought of the word sword. Funniest things come from his brain. I had to admit, I couldn’t tell him from the top of my head, despite my Mexican-American Southern California background.   I had to look that one up-Espada! 

So out of all that  God used that curious 9 year old brain to alert me to a word that I would read in the Bible later that morning in my church’s Sunday message from

Revelations 2:16 -'Repent of your sin, or I will come to you suddenly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth.' 

In the beginning of this chapter, Jesus is speaking to churches who have done everything right and He is actually complimenting them on all of their great works, but he’s still got a bone to pick.  That is, these churches don’t have  love in their hearts. They have forgotten their first love.  So no matter how many good deeds or works we do, it doesn’t matter if we don’t have love.   And these churches forgot their first love. Jesus was pointing me to the sword, that is,  this truth in His word.  And his word is so powerful like that sword that it just cut to my heart. 

How do I put God first and show my love? First I had to ask myself what am I compromising? What am I loving more than Him?


Somewhere in my devotionals I was challenged to put  my love and devotion to the test by listening to only Christian music for 2 weeks.  Even when I’m working out!? Yes, even so.   So I did that. And I actually enjoyed it. It  kept my thoughts focused on him. I felt totally surrounded, uplifted. What happened at the end of those 2 weeks? A hurricane watch here in this paradise of Hawaii. 95 mile/hour winds predicted. Was I anxious? Yes. Nervous? Sure, even a little stressed, all while we prepared for this impending disaster and doom.  Since I happened to be listening to that music all the weeks leading up to, God was preparing my heart with the blessed assurance that despite all of those feelings and the uncertainty of the storm coming, He is still in control.  Isn’t He amazing? Oh and the hurricane turned and never hit us.  What an awesome God we have! 


So what good is all that we have in our life, if we don’t have Jesus in our hearts? When I first fell in love with Jesus, He saved me from my addiction.  He saved my marriage.  When I first fell in love with Jesus, I wanted to be in relationship with Him.  Like any relationship it takes work. But the best part is, even though we may get lost or stray, we can return back to Him, because of what He did for us on the cross. 

The Lord wants us to seek Him the most above all things no matter what’s going on in this crazy world. And out of our love relationship, it will become evident in the fruit we bear in the love that is shown for others around us. 


And he will answer, I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me. -Matthew 25:45 


So am I in love with God and seeking Him above all else?  I know I want to be in relationship with Him.  I know that I want to know Him more.  I know that time I was listening to His music, I loved being in His presence and I look forward to the day of truly, fully  and finally being with Him in heaven. I am grateful for my family, this piece of paradise on earth that I live, but it would mean nothing without Jesus in my life.  Cause there’s nothing better than Him!  


Thank you for letting me share. 

Sober for 5 years, 20 days, 15 hours

Hopeful for another day more. 




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