I’m ready to ditch the dye once and for all! I think. This is something I’ve been thinking about for some time now. I was just waiting for the green light from my husband. Oh, I know what you ladies are thinking. Why do I need my husband’s permission to decide what to do with my own body? Before you respond from your feminist platform, let me explain. Since day one of our marriage, my husband has been my partner first and foremost. I respect his opinion as the head of our family. Although he is the leader who guides our family decisions, he is also my helper and we are a team. And this has been God’s design for marriage that traces back to Genesis. So now that I have his permission so to speak, I’m not so sure I am actually ready.
What motivates me to even consider this big life decision? Plainly I am tired. It was a monthly chore. I am a slave to the upkeep of a certain appearance. Oh to be free from every cringe that would over take me at the first sight of regrowth! Every reappearance of a grey strand was a reminder of the obvious underlying truth.
This weekend I decided not to color my hair. Or touch up my roots as I have been doing every 6-8 weeks since the age of 13, more recently even more frequent.
The term ‘immature grey’ is an understatement for me. I’ve had grey hair since I was six. Thats right, six years old. The grey strand was discovered by my mom as she was combing my hair getting ready for school one morning. She plucked it out and said ‘here, you can take it for show and tell’. I was proud of this trait, but
what would start out as a medical oddity was would soon turn out to be a burden. It was more of a curse actually as the grey strand would multiply each year. It was a major contributor to my low self esteem. I hated those grey hairs and I hated my self for it. Along with my big nose, I felt like an ugly witch. I begged my mom to let me dye my hair to cover those grays once and for all. In high school there’d be no No showing, or telling. And she thankfully allowed. And so it was ….
So I think I’ll go another week without covering it up, maybe I’ll color it next week. Maybe I won’t.
Another week gone by and no touching up the roots. I am fully committed now.
Letting go of the dye bottle is like letting go of those voices that told me I wasn’t pretty.
My self worth was dependent on how I looked, how many friends I had or if a boy liked me. I can finally release and discover the physical appearance of who God created me to look like.
Week 3, I think I’m having regrets, there is lady with a crown of grey sitting upon her forehead staring back at me in the mirror. What was I thinking?
Week 4, my family starting to notice. My youngest son said just go with it.
My husband who first didn’t want to address it said keep going. So I am encouraged.
I am ditching the dye for good!
Today, my hair was cut in a way that was actually flattering and didn’t show my grey roots so much. Amazing what a good hair cut could do.
Today I looked at myself In the mirror again and thought ‘Oh my God, what am I thinking?’ I was in the airplane bathroom. Of course no one looks good in an airplane bathroom, but seriously ‘oh my God, what am I thinking?’
Week 5 or 6? I lost track. Today, I met with my dear stylist who’s been with me for the last ten years. I am not familiar with these tools of this artist’s trade so I put my trust in her the master that she is. She has worked her creative gifts into my canvas of a hair to make this transition seamless. Yes, it's going to be ok.
Ok, I am ready, not looking back.
I surrender my grips on maintaining control over my physical appearance of hair. I will let go and find freedom!
I found a new freedom from the societal standards of what beauty and aging should be and it feels pretty good.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. Proverbs 16:31
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