storm watch

And so I wait again.  This time there's  a category 5 hurricane hurling toward us as the entire state of Hawaii waits like a sitting duck in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.   The island of Oahu is on hurricane watch.  We made all the preparations that I could think of.  This included several trips to the grocery stores.  I kept thinking of that one more item I had to be sure I had enough supply of.  You know, important things like toilet paper or chocolate.   We read all the latest information so we knew what to include in our 'hurricane kits'.    I gave our son, Nathanael a summer project of making sure our house is hurricane ready but I neglected to check his work.   I better get a few more dried goods at Wal mart AND water.  We can never have too much water.  Soon, images of the big island, maui drenched in inches of rain stream the t.v and social media.   I look out our window and see only grey skies and light breezes.I was asked by my co worker if I'm ready.   I guess!?   This is my first hurricane.    I'm thinking if I can get out of Walmart alive in one piece I've already survived half the battle.  So I'll give God the rest. 

So I'm about over half way through my recovery step study.   I wanted to get to the root of my drinking and substance abuse problem as they say.  Why did I really drink?  What were my character flaws?   I needed to know in order to see the patterns because I wanted to be sure the devastation of my bad habit would never happen again.    Working the 12 steps would ensure this.  However, as I delve deeper and as I am now months into this biblically based program, I learn its not just a simple formula of meetings + prayer + devotional time = a guaranteed lifetime of never making bad habit mistake again.     Its tedious.  I often wonder if I'm on the right path.  I fight off doubts.  It takes waiting and work uncovering those unsightly aspects that lied beneath my bad habits and negative thinking.  And its really hard to face the ugly parts of your life and yourself.   Hmm, go figure.     I was really hoping for that sudden moment of clarity.  Isn't that what all the addicts talk about?  The moment you realize the reasons behind every thing.    What did I expect? A booming voice  of revelation flooding from the sky?  Well, maybe.   However, like those grey skies, it still stays gloomy.  Not a drop of rain yet.


The alert has been upgraded from a hurricane watch to a hurricane warning.  I confess, I get a little more anxious.  I'm antsy all day at work while my family's waiting for me to come home.   Schools and most businesses are closed for the next two work days.  I'm finally at home and I spend the next  days stuck at home.  I enjoy some Netflix, actually get some cleaning done all while trying not to look out the window every minute.  Any time now, its coming, its gonna pour on us like it is on our big island neighbors.  Eventually, nothing, downgrade to a tropical storm and our side of island  sees only scattered rain.   All that scare and fuss. C'mon!  Don't get me wrong.  I am absolutely grateful for the answered prayers and the devastation we escaped from a hurricane.  
I feel like my recovery discovery or lack there of  mirrors this anticlimactic scene of a fizzled out hurricane. I've never had any arrests or DUI.  And yet, the hurricane of my addictions and behaviors has had some devastating consequences.   As I go along 'working the steps',  God  sheds revelations drop by drop.  These revelations may not be of hurricane proportion, but in this journey I can still learn how to keep watch for potential disasters.  That is my hope anyway. 
Even the tropical storms can cause damage.    This got me to wondering, how many of us are going along life thinking its ok  because our bad habits never hurt anyone else.  But drop by drop it can.  But a sin is still a sin that tears us away from 
our creator and God has slowly been speaking to my heart about MY  sin.    I think I just summed up my recovery right there.   I've already been through one storm.   So now I wait, AND prepare for whatever storms lie ahead, big or small. 

Am I ready?  Are you ready? 
God has already given us a warning in case you haven't read.   So now we are to keep watch,  not to live in fear, that is fear of our circumstances or what might go wrong, but fear of the Lord.  That is our upmost respect, reverence, awe and trust in the Lord.   God will watch over us as we prepare.  God will watch over us as we wait and He will watch over us when we are right  in the midst of the storm.    He is there in the sun and the grey skies,  in the drizzles and the tropical storm, and He is there in our coming AND our going.  

thank you for letting me share
HOPEful girl , sober for 3 years, one month, two weeks and one hurricane warning, Hopeful for another more.