give and take under pressure

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The buzz and excitement of the upcoming summer swirls  about our house as another school year winds down.   Micah, our youngest is counting the days and he completes first grade.  Nathan gets to graduate (again) from elementary school as he switched schools this past year from 5th to 6th grade (some schools finish elementary at 5th and others at 6th).  We are super proud of him as he made strides to adjust to a private school curriculum.  Andrew is finishing his first year in high school. (omg!) He was invited to join the National Honor Society and will be starting AP History next year and of course continuing in basketball.  A new season approaches.  
Throughout the school year the boys had to go through a lot of tests and many more to go through in the future. These tests were a way of showing their knowledge before graduating to the next step. We go through tests in life every day. 
But are we being tested, and if so then by whom? 
When I see the word, ‘test’ in that part in the verse above, I can’t help but get an image of God looking down on me with his arms crossed, tapping his foot, not much unlike  the teacher I had growing up in  school just waiting to see how I will react.  Sometimes I feel like I'm being tested, but I know there's more going on here.  And I'd like to think that our God is not condemning just waiting for us to fail.   Then I read Other translations that use the word ‘challenges’ or ‘pressure’ in place of test.  This seems closer to what we really go through everyday,  but James, the writer,  invites us to consider these challenges and times of pressure as an opportunity.  
When I was training in residency while on internal  medicine rotation taking over night call, we would get up to thirty patients in one night.  That’s thirty lives, souls my team which consisted of a senior resident, myself, two interns and maybe a couple of med students were responsible for, intaking, diagnosing, then starting treatment to admit them to the hospital.  As the  mental, emotional and physical exhaustion wore me down into the wee hours of the night and end of the shift, I’d often find myself escape to my call room for just one minute  and literally get on my knees praying fervently for my pager to stop going off.  Please God, not another one, not another admission.  I can’t handle any more.  Or I’d pray in the beginning of the shift, please God don’t give us more admissions that we can handle, let this be an easy night. I was praying to God to take away those pressures and challenges.  In no way did I consider this an opportunity of great joy.   And there are many time we may be so overwhelmed in our life to consider it an opportunity of great joy.   We might not realize it in the midst of our challenge but James reminds us it is these very moments that God uses us to make us stronger.  
I’m not saying its not ok to pray to God for taking away our troubles.  We can come to him with anything!  But instead of asking take away,  maybe we can ask God to give.   Lord, give us the endurance, give us the strength to continue on.  So  now, I pray not for an easy day or a trouble free life, because challenges will come, but instead pray to God to give me strength and energy for the day, or to get through this hard time in my life right now.  Lord, please give me the compassion to shine on to others even when I don’t feel like it.  Make me think of me less, Lord, so more of you can shine through. Give me the ability to resist temptation in my recovery knowing temptations will inevitably come my way.  
Dear Lord, if this is a test, help me to pass so my endurance can grow and ultimately find joy.
And always be grateful that you had brought me this far and helping me get through another day. 

 ‘trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with YOU forever in the next’   AMEN  
thank you for letting me share, hopeful girl , sober for 2 years, 10 months 

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