The Hangnail

        I have this horrible hang nail on my right forefinger that seemed to develop an ugly life of its own and formed into a painful tiny abscess.  Ok, I might have contributed a bit by yanking that  piece of skin off.  I knew I should not have done it, but I didn't expect it to be this bad.  It has caused the tip of my finger to become red and swollen as I now have 'sausage finger'.  I know there are people on this earth dealing with much worse;  cancer, the loss of loved one, depression.  I myself have dealt with much worse than this dumb hang nail, 3 C- sections, appendectomy , small bowel obstruction , my addictions AND  I ran 2 marathons, but this hang nail thing is really annoying!  I can't write that long in my journal without getting pain radiating up my arm.  And if I accidentally barely bump my finger just on that spot, YOWSERS! (insert expletive $@#!) I wear a band aid so no one would  see it, but I can feel it.  And you never know how much you use something until its gone.  How important just that one finger is when I work,  conducting my physical exams, palpating and screening for things like worrisome lumps or masses.  Ok, doc,.. you say, so heal thyself.  Well I tried everything as a good doctor-patient can, warm water soaks, wrapping with a band aid for most of the day, and yes, prayer.    I thought if I left it alone and tried to ignore it, that maybe it would just go away on its own.  But it didn't, so I prayed some more, but something or more like someONE told me that this is something I'm just going to have to endure for a while before it got better.  That was not the answer I was hoping for.   Also, I knew deep down in the back of my trained medical mind what eventually had to be done, but I just didn't want to face it.  That was, it had to be lanced.  A cut would be made after my finger was anesthetized in order to drain out the infection so it can be healed.   I knew this would take me admitting that I needed help, because I certainly couldn't do it on my own.  And I just didn't want to take the time.  I'm a busy woman.  In the words of  Sweet Brown, Aint nobody got time for that!   But it wasn't getting better.


There might be times in our lives when we've been hurt. We may also have bad habits that we carry. Often these things keep us from experiencing the full life that God wants us to live.  When we don't deal with them appropriately they become hang ups like that bad hang nail that just won't go away. 
A hang up can be anything that you struggle with.
Back in my early days of addiction to ecstasy and the rave scene, God used an amazing ministry, called Celebrate Recovery (CR) to pull me out of that dark place of my addiction.  CR is a Christian based recovery program that started at Saddle back church in Lake Forest, not too far where I used to live.  Well I might have mentioned it in my earlier posts, but this ministry has come back into my life again.  This time, I've been called to be a leader and we are working towards getting a CR started up at our church.  Funny how things come full circle.  This is a ministry for not only those facing addiction or bad habits but anyone with hurts,  or hang ups.  This really includes everybody.  Because let's face it, we are human, not perfect and carry the sin of Adam and Eve.  We all need help.

That is one cause of our problems, this sinful nature and our tendency to do wrong.
I know I wasn't supposed to pull that hangnail off but I did anyway, ....and suffered the consequences.   Thus, it turned into something much worse that I couldn't manage on my own.  Sometimes, we try to play God trying to control it, by numbing the pain.  We often do this by trying to ignore the pain.  Often God may use pain to get our attention of something deeper going on.  I thought by ignoring that hang nail, it'd go away, but it didn't and got worse.    I was only getting frustrated and tired.
I knew it wouldn't  get better until I admitted I needed help.
Ironically, the cure for our problems is admitting our weaknesses. Admitting we are powerless to change our past, other people or our addictions.  I knew that was the first step when I was addicted to ecstasy and again when I admitted I couldn't control my alcoholism.  Now that I am in recovery, I am starting to realize that there are deeper issues that lie beneath those addictions.  Like the abscessed finger that needed to be drained, these issues would eventually have to be uncovered, removed  so that complete healing could begin.  The  first step on my pathway to healing was to admit I needed help.  If we don't admit we need help, how can we get to the real root of the problem?
You might be going through something painful in your life right now or struggling with a problem that just keeps hanging on.  If you deal with it in your own way like I did when I tried to yank off my nail, it can have some bad consequences.
Life is tough! You don't have to do it on your own. God wants to help you if you just admit that you need help and surrender to Him.

So what do doctors do when they need healing? They go to other doctors, of course.  I  finally had it with my painful finger.  I admitted to my colleague who I share an office with that I needed help.  He happily agreed to help me and I knew what had to be done.   (WARNING: if you get easily queasy, skip to the next sentence.)  After a few doses of antibiotics, a few needle pokes to numb the finger  and a slice in the right place, the tiny abscess drained and my finger was on its way to recovery and complete healing.  My poor finger is still recovering, but I am  happy to say, that I'm now able to type these last few lines without pain.

      Jesus endured the ultimate hang nails to the cross.  Before He did, He prayed to our father that he didn't have to, that this cup be taken from Him that He may not have to go through this suffering.  Yet, Jesus knew that it was God's will that He would have to endure.  He endured it, to take on all our sin, all our habits, hurts and hangups so that we don't have to.   He took away our hangnails and endured it upon Himself.  He endured it and came out victorious.  He endured it because He loved us.  We can be victorious as well, if we only come to the foot of the cross of Jesus, to take away our hangnails, admitting our need in repentance and faith. Oh what salvation and love! 

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. 

                                                                        Isaiah 53:5

                                    Happy Easter!

-grateful  believer in Christ, sober for one year, 9 months and 4 days, 
Hopeful for one more day.