Crossing over

      Our family recently made a trip back to the ‘mainland’, as  I have now grown accustomed to calling our former home in California since living here in Hawaii now for a little over two years.  We visited family and friends  and over all, it was a nice vacation.  While at Disneyland, my oldest and privileged son to have been there many times before commented that it seemed  a little different to him.   I turned to him and said  of course, its because you’re growing up.  Its never the same as when you were little.  This year,  I've been reading the Bible one year plan in chronological order.  Sounds exciting huh? Well, it actually has been. I've read the Bible from cover to cover before with other one year plans.  Its been awhile since.  Each time I do, I now find that  I learn  something different that I never did before.   You'd think the Old Testament wouldn't apply so much to our lives today because its well, old. Unfortunately many people have this view of the Bible in general, some old, outdated book irrelevant to our lives today. However, since I've been delving into it, there's much to learn like what I learned from the chapter in the book above.

I invite you to give it a try, open a bible with me and turn to the chapter above and read.   If you want, or not.  If not, I will now attempt to give you my  brief summary.  So here we are with the Israelites about to cross over the Jordan which had actually been a longing for a bit of time now, oh like maybe 400 years.   The shepard tribes of Rueben and Gad had noticed these lands recently acquired by the Israelites looked like a nice place to settle for themselves and their cows.  So they go to Moses and the leaders and requested that these lands of Jazer and Gilead be given to them. Who needs this whole Promised Land business anyway?  Moses was a little upset to say the least.  They expected everyone else to go to war and fight for the Promised Land while they just stayed there and milked their cows?  Moses reminds them the last time their people didn't want to bother going into the Promised Land. God got very angry and made them wander around for forty years, until they died off never seeing their inheritance.  So the Reubenites and Gads promised to help fight and not return until every Israelite receive the inheritance as long as their wives, children and livestock can stay behind and that they won't receive any of the new land.  Then they can go back to their comfortable, un promised land being sheep herders.  Moses makes them swear they follow through.   They eventually give them the land and rebuild the cities there.

For a long time I felt like I was living in my non promised land of addiction.  I thought that just because I had quit using ecstasy and stopped drinking for a while, that I can go back to drinking and do it casually. And so I did, I didn't overdue it.  Sure, on occasion I'd have one too many, causing me and my husband to fight, distancing myself from my kids, annoying those around me, get into a car and drive away under the influence but these things didn't happen all the time, only few and far in between so it was ok.  I never had a problem right?  Or so those were the lies I believed that kept me in one place.  For so long I wanted to stay in my comfort zone doing what I did best or thought was best.   I remained complacent and wasn't wholeheartedly  following God.  It took some time and some fighting before surrendering to God and crossing over into a new life of sobriety and start my recovery of rebuilding. 

This passage really struck a lot of questions in me. 

Does God care where we settle? or that we settle period?  How do we know if we're settling?  What gets me stuck or prevents me from crossing over? Am I following Him whole heartedly? 

For one thing, pride can get us stuck.   That is ,thinking I've come this far all on my own and forgetting how far God has brought me.  Like Moses reminded the two tribes, and I notice throughout these books in the bible, God constantly reminds His people of what He has brought them through and the consequences of disobeying.  God may remind us of these past mistakes before we get pulled into doing them again.  

Something else that can prevent from crossing over is listening to the voices of the world.   I gave up Facebook this year, at first felt weird but now I don't notice it.  I'm doing just fine with Instagram and words with friends thank you very much.  But seriously this has eliminated some of the outside voices. I found something extraordinary happens when you eliminate some of the outside voices, ….you start to hear the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit.

Complacency is a great way to keep us where we're at. There is nothing wrong with being happy where you're at but often it prevents us from delving into a deeper relationship with God.   The two tribes had fought enough.  But I wonder if they were missing out of something more?  I think that  one thing that stands out in this story is Moses concern that these tribes complacency would influence everyone else.  They came so far! and after what happened to those that disobeyed haven’t they learned anything?  This seems to be a recurrent theme so far in my readings.  But then I realized, God listened and gave them an option as long as they followed through of course.  God is faithful to His promises!  Yet, He will let His people walk away and face the consequences.  God’s grace abounds and He gave them a way for them to stay.  God's grace abounds throughout His story.   He cared so much for His people. He cares so much for us.  He cares so much for you! 

We may be at different parts of our journey.  I know I certainly wasn’t the same when I last read the one year bible plan.   Each time I read the Bible, I learn or notice something different.  But God’s grace never changes.  I see that in this Old Book, I see it in others and I get to experience it every day in my recovery journey.   And that makes me want to follow him wholeHEARTedly. I’ve been sober now almost two years, 617 days to be exact and there's not a day that goes by that I am not forever grateful for crossing over.