Your first love

          Even though,  this is the month of a highly  commercialized holiday,  a holiday that doesn't have any biblical background, a holiday that just happens to be another one of those celebrations in history that was 'Christianized' in an attempt to win over some pagans and their hedonistic rituals, a holiday that just depresses people who are single as they are reminded of their lonely state and stresses out couples  as they are feel pressured to please their counterparts to a materialistic and shallow standard.  Despite all this, I choose to rise above all that and can't help but reflect on love.   I feel compelled to share what God has been speaking to me these past days about love.


When I was a little girl, although the strong, independent woman in me is reluctant to admit this, that I, not unlike any other little girls, used to dream about  meeting my Prince Charming one day just like in the storybooks or like Molly Ringwald in that 80s movie where she ends up with the hunky guy at the end.  I wasn't the prettiest one growing up or got the most valentines.   Oh how I wished so much to just be admired like the other pretty girls in my class or have just that one boy to like me.  Crushes come and go.  Well I always thought God had a sense of humor, because now I have not one but four boys clamoring for my attention.   That would be my husband and three sons.  Ask and you shall receive! 
I'm so blessed to be surrounded with all this love, messes and smelly clothes, but love nonetheless. 
  
When it is great, we remember our first, our first kiss, our first crush.  I remember the time I first fell in love with science (you can read more about this in my second blog entry), the first time I fell in love with running, and the first time I fell in love with chicken and waffles.   But who is our true first love?   The first one to love you and know everything about you is your creator and maker, our God.   Even before we knew He existed, He made us,  He was constantly pursuing us. He is still constantly pursue us to love us and want us to be in relationship with Him.  -Psalm 139
 That is our first love.   The love God has for us is a story book love and that story book is called the Bible.

I had the opportunity this weekend to attend a women's gathering at my church themed, 'set a fire' where I learned a lot on the subject of love.   There are four types of love: the first, agape or unconditional love, Phileo or brotherly love, Eros, a romantic love and Storge, familial love.  The first three types of love is often affected by the fourth type of love.  How we are raised, how we grew up, what kind of parents we had affect how we view love or love others.  Some of us may have been hurt, suffered emotional as well as  physical trauma.  These things can cause our hearts to be hardened as they have been trampled upon.  We hold onto these grudges or past hurts and is what prevents us from loving others.   I was the youngest of three, grew up in a happy home where I felt loved for the most part,  but I was hurt when I was often made fun of by my classmates for how I looked.   Because I was the youngest, I also felt I had to perform to be accepted and included.   Later I learned that the only acceptance I needed was the one I already had in my Abba Father.   It was like that other 80s movie with Molly Ringwald when you realize the  best friend that's always at your side is the one you fall in love with.  

Our middle son, Nathanael was the recent recipient of the 'Jet of the month' award.  This is like a student of the month award, where the student is rewarded based on exemplifying the virtue of that month, such as honesty, respect, etc.  The virtue of that month was compassion.  I was able to attend the assembly where he was presented with the award.  Before the students were presented with the award, compassion was defined by one of the assistant principals as having a sympathetic concern for others less fortunate,  accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering, and not to make fun of others.   The assembly included recipients from grades 3-5.  It was so heart warming to hear the stories of these young kids and how they exemplified that quality.  One girl helping someone who was alone on the playground, another always carrying band aids in case someone got hurt and tending to their needs (I foresee a future doctor in that kid).  Our Nathan was able to help a student who was having trouble in math with a particular problem when others were not so patient.  My husband and I were beaming with pride to say the least present at this assembly.  Coincidentally,  our neighbor friend who walks with Nathan to the school bus stop from grade 3 also won the award that month.  Or maybe not so coincidental?  I like to think by spending time with each other on those walks to and from the bus stop, my son and our neighbor friend adopted those great qualities from each other, that maybe because one person shared compassion to one, the other was able to share compassion with others as well.  And isn't that what we are called to do? I learned so much from this Elementary school assembly! I walked out feeling not only proud of my son, but hopeful from these young examples of compassion, which I see now for what that quality really is.  Compassion is just a form of agape love, unconditional love with two hands and two feet. 


I remember times in my recovery journey when I was shown that compassionate love.  A friend reaching out to me one morning after a night of drowning in my addictions.  A simple act like that turned my life in a whole other direction.  Now, because of the journey I've been through, I naturally have a special compassion for those in addiction.  When I see someone lost in their hang ups, how I long to help them break free from those chains.  

God calls us to love others.  For us to love others, we need to accept the unconditional love from our Father.  In order to do that, we need to release past hurts or grudges.  Ask God to reveal to you what you may be holding on to so that you can freely love again.  

So go ahead celebrate Valentines day, not for the worldly reasons and  if not for the loved ones in your life, then to give thanks to your first love, your Father in heaven. We love for many reasons,  but the greatest is because He first loved us.

583 days sober, grateful to my loving God and hopeful for today.