Be still

     Hawaii is the only state with its own time zone. It does not observe daylight savings time.  It also doesn't have any seasons. For me, this took some getting used to. Not that California had any real seasons to begin with,  but at least there was a little change.  Sure there's a summer and winter here, but they both kind of blend into one another.  It makes for  mild weather and a laid back atmosphere that contributes to the unique beauty of the islands.  It's as if this part of the world has stayed still while the rest of it is changing and trying to make up for time.

  And speaking of time, I've  been 9 months sober. Congratulations! It's a girl! A HOPEful girl! What has kept me going? Well for one thing, this blog, because it allows  me to be honest with myself and others.  That's right, my name is Janette Brunken and I'm an alcoholic= I'm broken= I'm a work in progress=I'm loved anyway.  My family including my church family has also kept me going. And of course, to reiterate that tested, true but never tired tenet, by taking it one day at a time. It really works!

   I can't help but be mindful of situations that would lead me to be tempted and try and avoid triggers. That is my worry. Do I get tempted?  Not really but I have these moments I just think about, or maybe entertain the thought of having just one drink.  It wouldn't be so bad, just one drink. Then I think of the consequences. First, I would feel guilty. Then, I wouldn't know for certain if I'd be able to stop at one. Actually, no.  I know for certain I wouldn't have just one.  Then I'd get sick and just feel all together horrible.  I wish I can just be like other people and drink with no problem. Oh God why can't I just be normal and not have a problem with it, stopping at one, just to enjoy, with no consequence whatsoever??!  But that is not me, and not how I was created.   God has something so much better for me. These are the conclusions I come to.  And so I move on from those thoughts.  I move on, one step at a time, one day at a time.  

 It is a daily process that takes work and constantly surrendering to God. It's easy for the mind to run in circles like this.  But to finally stop running and be still, that is what helps me stay sober.  But it doesn't always come easy.
To be still that is. 
I remember first hearing someone say, 'I am not stressed, I'm blessed'.  I had a hard time really believing them because I couldn't possibly think of a time I wasn't stressed.  Of course I was blessed, of course I had a lot to be thankful for but how do you get to that peaceful assurance? Just saying it was absurd and unreal  as that 'Serenity Now' saying from that one Seinfeld episode. And that is the struggle.  It is a struggle to get to that point of being still and sometimes it can.n take all of our energy just staying there, being still. 
   When I think of this verse I first get a picture of a peaceful calm serene scene much like the still waters in that picture.  However, I think even the still moments are not so peaceful. They are not the peaceful because the mind is still running. In that moment you might still be wrestling with something God is asking you to do. Also, being still  may be the just the act of not doing something, not reacting, not lashing out,  not taking action, not saying anything but just to stay put.  It may also be a little outburst, a good cry or entertaining thoughts but it always, always means ultrimately coming back and surrendering to God. 

 I am stressed! I am broken and unsure. I can't do this on my own! I wasn't even sure how I'd make it through this day sober.  Then God comes through and His power is made known. And I can place my stresses and certainty in that.    That is the peaceful assurance my friends.  Be still, God has this. He has my back. He has your back. Be still. Remain calm because God's love is never changing and always constant, daylight savings or none and in every season of our life.