So why run anyway?

  The very first marathon ever ran is marked by the run of the soldier Pheidippides from the battlefiled at the site of the town of Marathon, Greece to Athens in 490 BC.  He ran for this distance of 40,000 meters (24.85 miles).  Legend has it that at the end of the run, and after delivering the momentous message of victory, 'Niki!',  Pheidippides  collapsed and then died.   In two weeks, I will be running this distance and then some in the Los Angeles marathon.  This story is not a very encouraging story for a first time marathoner like me. By the way,  thanks to the Brits, this distance was changed to 26.2 miles establishing the present day distance at the 1908 Olympic games in London in order to cover the ground from Windsor castle to White city stadium so that the race can finish in front of the royal family.  God save the queen! And me too those last 2 miles!  

   Since then, the marathon or  popularity of long distance running has grown exponentially. From top athletes, celebrities  to the recreational runner like me, anyone can participate.  In 2010, the number of marathon finishers came in at 500,000 and in 2013 an estimated 1,100 marathons were held in the United States alone.

So why do these crazy people run? Yes, I realize that I will be soon included in this category.  I think if you ask everyone at the starting line that morning of the LA marathon, you'd get a different answer, but many with common themes.  For me, I can remember the exact moment I knew I was not only born to run but made to run long distances.   I was in the seventh grade, a late bloomer, skinny, and without an ounce of athleticism in my body.  I was the smart one often picked on and always picked last. We were running one of those senseless drills our PE teacher assigned to us that day, three laps around the school yard if I remember correctly.    I believe that one lap was probably about the same distance of one lap around a regular track but at that time it seemed much longer and the longest we were assigned to run.   I'm not sure if it was even a race, but we were off running in the afternoon sun.   My tooth pick figure had already passed most of the girls in my class who had already passed me in the early stages of puberty. By the end of the third lap, it came down to me and the fastest most athletic girl in the class, not to mention the most popular and best at everything. You know the type.  We all have one growing up.  As we turned the last corner at the playground, I  passed her! I couldn't believe it myself.  When I beat the fastest, most athletic girl, I knew I had something in me that  carried me first to the finish, something that no one else had. I now understand that be endurance and an inner perseverance.  I didn't have to be the fastest or the most athletic or even the prettiest girl to win. I won the respect of most classmates that day, I think. Maybe they didn't care. I do remember that I  won the respect of me as it sure was a boost to my self esteem.  I carry  that memory with me today and keep it safe in that running  lobe of my brain only adding to the puzzle piece of what makes me a runner today.

I went on to run cross country in high school, and in college. I was never the fastest but that didn't seem to bother me much.  I just loved getting out there, running the trails in the open air, being amongst those of my kind, and feeling the wind in my hair.

These early days of my sobriety forces me to be with feelings I never had to really face before. I think alcohol did for me what running did for me that day out in the school yard. See, at that age I was tired of being picked on and being a nobody.  I didn't like myself very much. It didn't matter that I was smart. I wanted to be accepted. If I wasn't accepted by the popular people, then I didn't like myself as well.  It's frightening to see how long we can carry feelings or hold onto grudges when we are finally forced to face them.  Alcohol  boosted my self-esteem and made me feel good about myself.  With just a few sips, I turned into a person that I could be comfortable with.  However with a few more gulps, I turned into the villain Medusa herself.  In either case, I was reaching for a  temporary filler to what was truly lacking underneath.   

Those feelings of inadequacy will still come fleeting.  There will always be stresses to come knock our self-confidence.   So what to do? Well, I turn to my creator and Savior first. Only Jesus can feel the void. Only He loves and accepts me unconditionally, not for what I can do, but who I am as His child.  I place my self worth in God and it becomes something new that I like to call God-esteem. It is not others I need to seek approval of because I'm already loved by the creator of heaven and earth himself. And you are too! And that's pretty amazing! You know what else I do? I run of course! Haven't you been listening?

Surrendering the hold alcohol had over me and giving it to Jesus has given me a new freedom. Its almost like that victorious moment of that young girl in the school yard.   I know that I do have something special, that I'm not just a nobody, I know that I was made by my creator to be unique, with special gifts. So I run to celebrate this.  I run to celebrate my sobriety.  I run to worship and give thanks to God for giving me a new life.  I run off the negative feelings of inadequacy and lies, pass mistakes and gain miles of wisdom in  knowing that I was created for something special. Know that you too are specially made for God, and by God.

   On Feb 14, 2016 I will run my first marathon.  Do I have a goal or  time to finish? Hey, I'll be happy just to finish without sharing the same fate as that poor soldier Pheidippides.  On February 14, 2016 I would have raised over $1,000 for the charity Runwell, an organization that helps others find accessible treatment for the disease of addiction and other mental disorders.  On February 14, 2016 I will be sober for 7 months and 2 days. On February 14, 2016, Valentine's Day, I will celebrate a very special love, a love that surpasses all knowledge, and be filled, not temporarily from the bottle, but truly and wholly filled with the fullness of life that can only come from God.